Help needed from Far-east.

[anative]

I appreciate your suggestion lovely & joe.
I think my wife don't even concern about what respect what doesn't. She just has to go see him. She knew what she did hurt me badly but she can't stop. She is addicted.

Whether to continue hugging/connecting physically (or letting it lead to something more) is an intensely personal choice.

My DB coach said the concerns are 2 fold. SOME WAS's (or their affair partners)
really do risky behavior and you have to wonder about sexually transmitted diseases,

Second, how you feel afterwards. Do you feel closer, or sort of used?

Finally, what did you mean when you said you "ignored her" and "did not pay attention to her"? Was it you being complacent or neglectful or cold?

What would you wife say if she were here? And is the unrealistic parts of this (she and OM cannot live in the same country??) - does that make it "safer" for her, do you think?

Or is that going to change? OR is she going to just live under the same roof as you, as friends, and staying till your d14 leaves? I mean, without asking her, what do you think her "Plan" is??

I felt good when I hugged and kissed her. I can still feel the love, but it hurts me more when she has to go see OM later on. So, I stopped physical contact of any type with her since I posted this thread. I've never slept with anyone else since I got marriage with my wife, however, I slept with 3 different women this month and I will keep doing it until her affair ended. I'm not proud of it. I'm not happy about it. But I think by doing this will get me past the images of what my wife and OM are doing if we got a chance to get back together later.

Sometime, I think about it as a "Hall Pass" for both of us. Sometime, I think about it as it is her vagina she can do whatever to her organs, now she just go out and masterbate with the real penis.

When I look at her right now I don't see my wife anymore. I don't see her inner beauty, I don't see her physical appearance no more. I only see a poor woman that lost in a fantasy world of her own imagination.

By ignoring her and did not pay attention mean:
I was not the one who start the conversation. I talked no more than I have to. I answered her briefly. I was not sit around waiting for her actions I was not try to analys her feeling. I only care for her only when it comes to her safety or health.

From what my wife said earlier when I asked her if she could put anyone in any position what would she does:

She said: We will continue live together. No one has to know about OM. She will go meet her OM once in a while. May be every 2-3 months. After our daughter finish her high school in next 5 years, we will tell her about my wife's relationship. Get divorce. Split money, not 50/50 but more than enough for me to start over. However, if thing didn't work out between her and OM, she will come back to me and start working on the marriage again.

She also aware that by the time her affair ended, I might not love her anymore or may be found someone else already. "If we meant to be together we will be together again" she said.

It sounds selfish but like I said "If she could do anything she wants."

She is still love me I know it, I can feel it, but her feeling for me just has been blocked by her feeling on OM. OM got insecure from time to time because he knew that me and my wife are live and still doing thing together. They fight a lot about this matter too. I just have to find the way to destroy their affair wisely.

Me and my wife are building the new house together. It should be done by next year. I'm included in her plan. She want me stay if I could. OM also bought a condo here under my wife's name. He already made a down payment and he will wired money to her every month for monthly payment. So, she will have 2 houses next year.

Their affair won't last 5 years. They're not gonna make it. I knew my wife and I knew him(OM). I just have to treat this situation carefully without doing any more damage?

Is doing 180 enough for me?

I will keep on posting. You all are god to me.

Regards,