Then imagine having to meet with the cousins that my uncle had with his marriage to his college sweetheart. Get this. They NEVER knew I existed at all. Because my name was practically erased from their lives. Imagine when I came back into my grandmother's life. Of course, my uncle had to sit down with his daughters and tell them about their older cousin.
Talk about a real mind f*ck! Yep. I have this very clear-eyed recall of the very first day we all met for the first time. I was a curiosity to them. Like the Easter Bunny had taken on a body of flesh. Then over the next few years, I saw resentment take a hold in their souls. Even to this day, I do see flashes of resentment at family gatherings. It is their hoe to take care of...not my fault that there was such a dramatic fallout all those years ago that had long-term consequences.
And my parents? They didn't make it to the end. How could they with that dark, familial cloud hanging over them??!!
When my mother died, I saw a change in my uncle. I saw a deep understanding in my uncle's eyes and I also saw regret in those eyes too. We've never spoken about all of those events that took place...too painful.
When the family priest came over the house to plan for the service(I wasn't there for I might have been at work), he asked my family, "Was she (mother) ever happy?" Know what my uncle told him in front of my grandmother and my aunts, "Yeah, she was at her happiest when she was married to Bob."(names not real) That's absolutely true. My mother never remarried nor ever dated anyone.
My mother lived with fear ever since my parents' divorced. She was so deeply wounded that she completely shut down and did not let anyone in...even me or her family. She was very remote and unreachable. Over the years, she took on a self-protective mechanism.
The real tragedy? Her heart became so hardened that she really didn't have much compassion for others. She became a very negative person whose energy pulled down people.
Don't become that bitter person, Irish.
Stop judging your XW. She is a very lost soul. Don't rob your daughters of their mother. It is NOT up to you to decide this or that for your daughters. I get that you are very protective of your girls.
BUT....
Don't take any actions, words, or deeds that are damaging toward their mother either. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What are you doing to do from THIS moment and on, Irish?
What kind of man do you want to be, Irish?
What kind of lessons do you want to pass on to your girls, Irish?
What kind of example do you want to set for yourself and the girls, Irish?
