I'm well into DR and I have my written goals! I've started my solutions journal and will start posting results.
I also started reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People". I'm already seeing results as I just had a nice exchange with a member of the hotel staff!
So I'm trying to validation thing:
WW: I know you love me...but the tense, bullying, controlling, manipulative behavior is unbearable. Me: Some of my behaviors have been manipulative & controlling and I can see how it would feel that way Me: You know I didn’t realize you thought I was a bully or that you felt I was bullying you WW: There are a lot of things you don't realize that you do Me: I can see that you are really bothered by some of those things I also see this is important to you and I’d really like to discuss it with you either in Couples Counseling or when your schedule is less hectic WW: It is very important
I know I probably could've shortened some of my responses or the whole exchange.
In MC WW said "I don't know if we can reconcile". I didn't respond as the session was wrapping up but it didn't sadden me or feel like a punch in the gut. That thought seems normal for a WW at this stage?
One thing that stands out to me after reading DR is the whole NC unless necessary. In the back of my mind I always viewed it as punitive so I'd get upset if she didn't initiate any text exchanges after a few days. After reading DR, I now realize that NC is more about taking pressure off of them by not pursuing.
