Help needed from Far-east.

[25yearsmlc]

25,

Thanks for reading my Sitch. I invite your support and advice.

I get what you are saying, that simply bstatimg to not accept disrespect is not a boundary. What is your suggestions for me and others that have heard that statement?

I don't want to hijack a Native's thread. However, some of this relates to your situation, Native.

I'll be brief (for a L anyhow).

Stating "I will not be disrespected!" and then not specifying anything or doing anything different is a hollow comment. No offense, but it sounds like a kid stomping their feet in anger.

Setting a boundary and then not enforcing it, actually weakens your position more than doing nothing would have.

Saying you "won't accept" what is happening is like saying you will remain in denial.

You can say it all you want, but if your behavior is exactly the same as before, it's meaningless.

What will YOU do differently? Boundaries are not about controlling other people, they are about setting your boundary.

By analogy, If you were a state in the US, like, say, North Carolina,

boundary setting is saying "This is North Carolina. Over there are other states outside of my authority. North Carolina is in MY jurisdiction and I decide what happens in here. I do not decide what Virginia or South Carolina or Tennessee decide. That is for them to decide."

For instance, assume your wife interrupts you a lot, even in important conversations.

If you are calmly briefly making a point, but she has interrupted you

You set a boundary of what YOU will do if your boundary is crossed.

"W, I need you to let me finish", but oops, she keeps on interrupting -

So you leave the room. If you are driving, you take the next exit and get out of the car.

You do not participate once she interrupts. You disengage. No yelling, no stomping feet, no jabs or "truth darts"

(which is a code word for insults with the goal of shutting up a spouse).

Just you setting a boundary calmly, and if it is crossed, it's you enforcing it.

Notice You are not telling her to "shut up!". You are not telling her what to do actually, at all. You are not labeling her behavior or blaming her.

You are telling her what YOU need and what You will do if an event occurs. "W, if we can't listen to each other, then it's unproductive. So I'll leave/go do my thing/ until we can be productive."

See the difference?