I am back.. Blood work for diabetes and thyroids.. she is not to concern with cholesterol as she sees me healthy and strong. By the way, she was a replacement for my family doctor.
I had to repeat my story from the last 10 years. My battle with anxiety since then and my current situation. She sees it as dealing with an alcoholic. The luring, the empty promises, the guilt trips etc.. She asked if I had a sense of pride. Absolutely and also GRATITUDE for our outcome.
She asked what I do for me to calm myself in times of overwhelm.. Me time.. She suggested running to trick my brain into beleiveng my fast heart rate is due to running and not due to the to-do wheel list. releasing the serotonin into the body.. also, yoga to calm the spirit and bring you into the NOW ( at this very moment ) relaxing, breathing... Of course, as Andrew said, QUIT SMOKING!! lol I knew it would come up.
My blood pressure is excellent, thyroid seem find to the touch but will be tested, breast exam was good, heart beat was a little fast and skipping a beat from time to time. She could hear it but was not alarmed by it and no other testing will be done for the heart.
That is it.. pap test is scheduled and blood work will get done probably wedn. morning.
Andrew : I did have counselling on and off in the first 5 years. I have a few people who I tell all and they give me emotional support. I am not afraid nor a shame of asking for help. I come here, vent, calm down and think of my next move. yes, I am in Ontario. A small community of less than 5000 people. As for ex-h' s request for a 24 hours notice: forget it.. no rules apply to him. Not even court order. He is a cop with his own set of rules. He will not apply to himself the rules he dictate to us. NONE, ZERO
Job: Thank you so much for your support. We did not address chores yet as they are with ex-h for a few days. I think they need a break from me and me from them but it will be address when they return.
HaWho : If I ask, they usually deliver but since school has been done, they are on HOLIDAYS.. no more rules, work or curfew.. This will not work with me. I will write a to-do list for each day of the week and maybe a few less hours with friends. have a schedule of no friends allowed between the hours of ?? I will figure it out. consequences are easy. D14 is a social butterfly... want friends over, get the work done. D17 loves to drive my car. She will do her driving test next month. want to drive, get the work done.. Those 2 things are their lives. it should have an impact.
Fight On, thank you for your advice. Like I said above, I release (vent), I calm down, I think of my next move and if it does not work, I come back here and re-process another plan of action.
Getting ideas and feed back from others, I appreciate very much! With so much gratitude,
Alot has happened this past 2 weeks.. Ex-h, after making peace with son, took 3 weeks off of work. His 3rd week was end of June ( his worst time of the year, chaotic, messed up mind ).. Daughter 17 went to spend the week with him and Daughter 14 went for the first half of the week.. She got back Tuesday afternoon and said she was bored over there. Nothing to do.. Wedn. Gf' s daughter packed all of her clothes and moved in with a friend of hers, after an arguement with ex-h and her mother. Thursday night, my son' s gf was hospitalized for depression and suicidal thoughts. Friday, they transfered her to Timmins for an evaluation. She was released friday evening and has her first counselling session this afternoon. Ex- h told son that his gf has to go.she is no longer welcome to stay there. Son had to get all of her stuff out of the house. He also packed his own stuff and they are now living here until August. Son commute to work daily. Daughter 17 witnessed all of this.. Ex-h is oblivious of his disfounctional household. Everybody else have problems.not him and gf.
Oh ex- h also called me to share the feud he had with all 3 ladies.. gf, gf's daughter and son' gf. I could feel my anxiety rising. I told him i was feeling myself getting upset and i was goona hang up now. He asked what the f*ck was i getting upset about? I told him: " to me, you are standing by the wrong people" He got really mad and started yelling at me so i hung up and did not answer calls from him since. Only a few text message where he filters how he adress me cause it is in writing.. better this way..
I knew it was coming.. this is exactly what ex- h wanted. What i did not know was when and how he was gonna make his move to get the kids out of the house. It is sickening. I feel ex- h feels the same way our kids do. They do not want to be living together but they do not want to be abandon by the other.. How did i know it was coming? Ex-h planted the seed in me a few months ago by telling me: " maybe they would be better off living fully with you" Right after, the push and pull started..
Alcoholism... arrgggg... i have ZERO tolerance for it.. no pitty, no sensitivity, no compassion for what brought them to it, ZERO!!!!!!!
2 years ago, a young couple with 3 kids moved next door. Very nice people, very nice children. Her father ( who has been divorced for 9 years ) had a stroke. They took him in. I soon noticed that this family was not a close family. The lady was often secluded. Her husband was quite the drinker and so was her father. No fighting, at least, not to my knowledge. Only a divided family.
This summer, i suspected a separation. Well, i was right. The husband is in rehab for DRUGS AND ALCOHOL abuse. Her father was not around anymore and she is left with 3 children, a mortgage, not much support around.. breaks my heart and angers me. This past friday, her father re-appear but not to help her with the children or the chores of owning a house, instead, he sat outside with his music and his beer.. Saturday, round 2 but this time, he talkes to me and ask if he could come over for a cigarette. He shares with me bits and pieces of what she is stuggleing with and makes it heard that he will pay for everything. She will be moving down the street next week. He add that he will not be living with her forever and i have a very nice house wich is why he wanted to come over... ????? he asked why i was alone, was i a lesbian? ??????
Wtf is wrong with these guys??? And to think that woman fall for these assh:le.. He made it really clear that he is a great catch with alot of money and he loves his life and freedom... Really??
My thoughts: if you are this happy, why are you drinking your life away and why are you sitting here alone?? You would be a great catch if you would ACTUALLY HELP your daughter with her struggles, her house chores, her children .... not add to her problems ....
As he was telling me all this, i could visualized my ex-h telling the same kind of stories to other woman and i can' t beleive they fall for this....
Yes, i carry alot of anger. I wish these people would SEE THEMSELVES for who they really are!!!!!!!
From all men i have encounter since bomb, i beleive the only possibility of a match for me would be another lbs who has not turned to self medication..
From all men i have encounter since bomb, i beleive the only possibility of a match for me would be another lbs who has not turned to self medication..
Well - that counts me out I suppose - I do have a fondness for a nice bottle of wine and occasionally am too fond of beer - I'm unsupervised after-all
It's good to see you posting again exquisite. Hopefully your health concerns are behind you now and you've gotten the kids and school stuff all sorted out which was perhaps complex for you if I recall your prior posts.
Dating as a mature person certainly seems to be a lot more complex than when you are younger especially when your trust has been shattered. Even just determining if someone is "available" is pretty tricky. It took me 4 months to find out that the lady at my flower shop was single (she turned me down). If you add on to that my complete inability to guess a lady's age it becomes more complex. Mid-late 50s I can usually guess but between 25 and 45 I'm completely at a loss.
I'm not sure about dating another LBS - a couple of them that I've talked to seem to be having a lot of trust issues even years later. My own daughter mentioned to me last week when I was visiting her that she felt that I was "still pretty messed up" which is probably true.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Good afternoon Andrew! Thank you for your response. It means alot to me!
I guess you counted me out also.. i turned 47 on the 14th. I am not part of the age groups you refered to.. lol
I am doing well... much better.. thanks for asking!
I will post an update tonight.. i realise that i mostly post when i need to vent. Luckely, it is not to often.. lol
I have discussed the dating subject with AJM in e- mail. It was very interesting to see our views on the subject. I think i will open a discussion here and see how others feel about it.. We will be going back to our initial life map from childhood.. I will be posting later... i am short on time at the moment. Once again, Thanks Andrew!
yes, I am in Ontario. A small community of less than 5000 people.