25yearsMLC 10 Years Later I FILE D part 6

[25yearsmlc]

25 -- On the financial side, it was about 8 months of nail biting and prayer. But at the bottom of it I felt confident that one way or another the kids and I would be OK.-

Of course, Mr. Fantastic didn't pull the shenanigans that Dr. Alaska did, so I didn't have to experience the humility of borrowing large amounts of money. He never ran off with money or declined to pay support,

but I know what I would have done if he had -- and apparently he did too, becauase although he did (and occasionally still does) express rage at the amount of money he's having to pay, he pays it.

Not to belabor this^. As It resonates with me. It is easier said than done.

I used to tell women to "go back to court!" every time their h's did not pay full CS or alimony. I said "it'll save you money in the long run".

Which was true EXCEPT the process wore them down and now, I get it. I'm still in the ring and I won't quit.

But I retract all the times I internally smirked at "weak women" who did not go to battle every time their h's pulled crap. I used to tell them that "in the end" they'd be fine.

I'm not sure what I meant then, maybe "not dead or on the streets".

Maybell, prior to the past year, fear had not been a big part of my life. Sometimes righteous anger or sadness, but not really fear. I had faith and self confidence.

But this past year has shaken me to my core. The sense of betrayal is gut wrenching and has flared up more recently- (maybe b/c the divorce is not final??)

even after I felt I had processed it. Even after I felt detached from it and cognitively believed I had "dodged a bullet" by filing for divorce.

The health care fears were nearly overwhelming. The utter loss of control with full seizures, frankly, embarrassed me. The post seizure memory loss & confusion were incredible blows to my ego.

Articulate intelligence is probably what I most identify with internally. (That, and my hilarious wit).

Nothing like being unable to speak intelligibly, or to recall what was just said, to humble one. Fortunately I feel like myself now. The upcoming hearing or settlement conference has, periodically, freaked me out. So there's a sort of "backslide" feeling.


The job thing has been, by far, the hardest part. I'm in the process of figuring out how to move out of my second job since taking off 13 years to raise the kids.

Amen. Even though I'm sure I'm not the only woman in her 50's re-entering the job force, I'm not encouraged so far. Obviously I'll keep at it.

This time around, I've hired a career consultant to help me identify the things that I'm good at AND would enjoy over a long period of time.


I literally don't have the money to do this^^^ YET. I love this idea. (I'm not exaggerating the cash flow problem. And I assume this was partly h's intent when he refused to pay. He will save HIS money and show me!


Why just look for government or lawyer jobs? You have a wide breadth of skills from the time you were home with the kids. Would it be interesting to you to pursue a job with a non-profit, for example, that would use more of your skills than the lawyering experience? At least give yourself something to do that permits you to fixate on something other than GDS.

Hey thank you.

I am Not sure what "GDS" means (G- Damn - $h1t???)

But I assume it's government something.

I am totally open to non government jobs (I would prefer them. Although gov benefits are something I may need to consider more, I can think of many non profits that interest me.

I love the arts & performing arts, for instance. Veteran's issues, too. (I'm a veteran, btw)

The 2 main reasons the government jobs get the focus is

because 1) there are a lot of them here as an industry, except oops, there's a freeze; and

because 2) H's lawyer focusses on them.

Oh, btw, not sure if you know this Maybell, but per h's request, the court ordered me to CA to get a vocational evaluation. Flew out to CA for a 7 hour deposition (that was super fun. )

Apparently the evaluator (HIS witness) felt that the work gap in my resume actually matters in the job market. And not in a good way.

So h is not using the report she wrote.

Aside from gov jobs she suggested for which I sometimes don't qualify, (i.e. bar membership in their state - a state in which I'm not licensed) -


she did have some good suggestions about non profits. She also said "80% of jobs that are filled were not advertised."

Yikes.

Oh, and H's lawyer said "25 should just move to the state in which she's licensed and hang out a shingle".

We were assigned there 20 years ago. I remain in contact with 2 wonderful women there, who are NOT lawyers. Just saying.

Oh, & h's job expert witness addressed the idea of me "just hanging out a shingle" there, and said "that does not seem promising for 25."

Ironically, if I do get a raw deal in court, I'll probably need to move there as it's so much cheaper there to buy a home. All those years ago, our family was intact and I have many good memories of it.

Sure, I'd be starting over socially, mostly. But it's not the first time, and I have good people skills.

Maybell, let's make margaritas, in honor of said (but unsaid) state.




If we ever met IRL, I would be happy to connect you with people in my circle (you don't live that far from me.) I think you'd find work fairly quickly. The first job would not be the ideal one, but it would give you the opportunity to build your connections again.

GOOD! We must find each other!

Think outside the box, 25. Use some of the creativity that makes you funny and apply it to job problem solving. You've got this.

thanks a lot And I am thinking outside the box and crave the purpose one gets in a job - even a "not great" job b/c there is structure.

I sent in a resume to an architectural company b/c I love the homes they design and build and said "contracts, right??". No interview but they responded well, so yeah, I am thinking in new ways.

I would love a job with meaning, but I'm fine with at least a job that leads me to the job with meaning.

Thank you again.