MLC or WAS... either way, I'm here

[LAJar]

SBJ, Thanks for your words and you know, just like the rest of us here, support is worth more than anything now. My head knows this will get easier, but my heart is having a harder time catching up on that one. Despite everything, I'm enjoying my little weekend getaway. It's a new place to be, on a trip solo. I'm taking it for what it's worth and consider it a growth opportunity, peaking outside of my comfort zone a bit and of course enjoying myself away from the crazy.

Bright, We are in a tough predicament with H and son. It's funny, both of our son's are adults, but wanting to protect them never goes away and is why we're moms. I'm sad to see even after 5 years, your H still has limited contact with son. Although, I'm glad to see it did improve a bit. I just don't understand this aspect of the MLC. It was so important for H to have that name, to consider us a family, but you put it to the test and this is what he does?! It's unbelievalbe. Also looking at the strained relationship b/t H and FIL, you would think he wouldn't do to someone else what's been done to him. His problems are with me, so he thinks, and not with son. Even as I write this, I know not speaking to son or my family is to protect himself. They would cause him to look in the mirror and face what he's really doing. Guilty, coward.

Re. family and their support, I shut it down when anyone tries to push for D. #1, my sitch is so new, I'm still trying to figure things out. #2, I have said, in no uncertain terms, I am married and take my vows seriously. I couldn't/wouldn't drop him as easily as he's done to me. However, I would never take H back so easily either. It couldn't just be an I messed up, I'm coming home. I would need him to acknowledge and actively address his issues (as would I). No going back to the illusion of our good marriage. This is all just what if's, since none of this is happening now.

The house issue is a big one. Since I see another L on Thursday, I hope to get some options on how to handle it best. If I do need to contact H, I think I'm just apprehensive about his response. The perceived anger and animosity (very public affair, not paying mortgage, zero contact) I feel from him is painful. However, the house and what I need to do should be pretty black and white. He's the breadwinner, but you wouldn't know it from his poor money management. I wish H would just sign it off to me, it would allow me to do what I need to do without H making decisions based on his emotions for me.

A question for you Bright, since I haven't had a chance to read up on you yet, how have you been able to do this for the last 5 years? Is no D yet because he hasn't done it and you are against it? I give you a lot of credit, because no matter what, it couldn't be easy.

My IC told me that he also though I was handling this relatively well. It scares me though that maybe I'm delusional and only trying to wait out this OW and MLC. In some ways probably, but I guess at the end of the day, if he pulls the trigger, I have no say in that and I'm not at the place where I'm interested in filing.

I appreciate your echoed sentiments. Believe me, I'm trying to hang in there. I think so far, this weekend is a GAL success. Thank you again.