He also says he talks to other women and ignore my pleas as a way of regaining control because he feels he is loosing his privacy and too controlled.
This ^^^ is punitive. The asserted reason for punishing you is because - "HE feels loss of power" is not a defense.
^^ That's like saying "my ego is bruised - so I will bruise the crap out of yours, until I feel better about myself, which may never happen....and it'll ALL still be your fault."
His "Inappropriate relations" with other women is not a way to regain control of himself, it's a way to hurt you. Confusing those two things is dangerous.
IF he wants to regain control over himself, he can work on himself. But what he really wants to control is you. And he inserts "hurting" you into the definition of controlling you.
A wife's pride in her appearance is usually pleasing to a h. Maybe the real reason he won't compliment you is his deeply rooted insecurities. Somehow he feels less than, when he lifts you up. He fears that if you feel good about yourself, he will lose you, due to the inequity in the m.
Look, I'm not a shrink so take my words with that caveat. But I've seen this pattern many times before. Let me offer some free advice or my free interpretation, which you are free to ignore.
In his eyes, complimenting you could lead You to discover you are a great catch, and then you may discover that he's less than.
Better to keep you down, so you two are on a level playing field. I'm not saying he thinks this consciously, but to say you have pride and that causes him to with hold compliments (showing love) to you, reveals a lot about him, not you.
This^^^ is a fundamental problem in Him. It affects how you interact together. You will never be adequate in his eyes, if this does not change. His deep insecurities fuels your feelings of inadequacy, and in your case, helped get you here.
His stubborn resistance to complimenting you - happened long before your ONS
FWIW I resist using the term "Affair" for you. That's b/c A's require preplanned deceit and then implementation of the plan, and the passage of TIME for it to repeat.
Your ONS does not fit this^^ Not to mention you confessed it to him.
I understand the value he has in your eyes. Finances seem stable, he is good with his daughter (she is his, correct?) He does not drink too much.
You asked about your unmet needs and if you are allowed to have them. That made me so sad for you. And for your d, and even your h. He won't love you fully or how you need/want to be loved.
He may not know how, and that's a deficit in his life, and creates on in yours. Plus he's modeling for your d (and you are accepting his model) that as long as a man puts food on the table and keeps burglars away,
his "covert contract" is fulfilled. So all of his needs must be met - even if unexpressed. That's b/c he provided the basics, and that tends to be all that type of man believes he needs to do. What do you want to learn here? And what do you want to teach your d?
But I didn't tell him or scare him into doing anything.for some reason he just did. He gave me his passwords after I found out he was communicating with his ex girlfriend. So, He wanted you to see what he told her? What do you make of that, now? I'm not someone who makes threats but I really wanted to leave because I was already unhappy anyway
Understood.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
