He threatens divorce and when I agree to it he goes quiet. I understand for now he us angry abt the A. He told me he lost interest in me in early 2015 (months before I had the A).
I think your h is using the One Night Stand (not an "A" in my eyes) as his excuse for anger. HE told you he first lost interest in you before the event.
I rarely defend affairs and I will point blank say you screwed up to be sure. But an "affair"?? I sense more desperation and sadness for your reasons. In your case those cliched "my spouse is mean" sound actually true.
You need help to figure out what to do.
Can you name 3 reason you are okay staying m to 9
In one conversation when I told him I want a divorce he said he will only agree if he buy me an apartment so that we live at a decent place. um, you do not need his agreement to get a divorce. The state grants it, not the spouse. Those days are over. As for reasons for divorce, that depends on the state or nation.
If his "conditions" are favorable to you AND ONLY IF, maybe accept them but watch hard for strings attached.
We already have a house but I told him if we divorce I want to move to a new place and don't want to live at our house.
take the kids with you or he will say you abandoned them AND OR he will use them as a weapon in divorce. That happens almost a lot of the time. He also says we can divorce maybe after a year or so because he wants to help me get back on my feet. given the other behaviors, ever think he's just stalling? If I were you i'd get a BIG look at the finances and keep track of where the money is going. Big look at the money before you go - if you are safe .. - Sometimes he suggests an open marriage so that we stay together and I get someone to date. He says he got hurt to know an A happened behind his back and it would be better if he keeps that option open so it can happen openly. I refused this too because all I want is a normal marriage where he can make an effort to meet my needs. I think it is so confusing. I don't understand him. when we project Our values and Our moral compasses on them, their choices make NO sense to us.
But they do not have our values or moral compasses so you must deal with what is.
Don't stay in a m b/c of the potential you see in your h, face what's real now.
He likes to talk to me, he even likes to come and have lunch with me. When we fight now he initiates sex a lot. On that area even when he is not angry he initiates more. He likes to talk to me more than before. I don't even know how to move forward. I had an A so do I have the right to complain abt my unmet needs now or endure and be so unhappy
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
