LRT is my 180

[AvgGuy]

Well it appears W is now looking into my cell phone records and texted SIL (her sister) inquiring what we've been discussing about her. So I'll stop texting SIL immediately (actually both SILs to be safe). Fyi, I trust both to keep confidentiality, and if W and I recover, both should get a lot of credit for support, advice, prayers, etc. It is true, however, that our discussions have been all over the place as far as covering many aspects of the past goings on, current happenings (and frustrations) as well as various future possibilities and outcomes.

They both know my heart and that I desire deep down to save the M, but I know I probably shouldn't try to defend myself with that kind of language if/when W turns her aim toward me.

Here's some irony: I was the one doing this type of snooping back in May when I sniffed out the A.

Any words of advice?

Should I view this as a positive even tho W is prob pissed off seeing all the text records? (W knows I've had some contact, but not the extent nor the content.)

[25yearsmlc]

really a lot depends on what is shared by your SILs.

They mean well, I presume. But the texts reveal - what?

And if you had conversations, I can tell you that your SIL will try to be discreet but they will want to help and they WILL say something.

What are the texts like?

[25yearsmlc]

PS

no offense, but how does it feel to be the one snooped on?

[AvgGuy]

25,

W has only seen the 'transmission reports' on the cell carrier's website. No content. Texts are deleted fwiw.

No offence taken, I need to learn to think about these other perspectives. Might seem strange, but I feel kinda ok w/ the recent snooping, like I'm in her head a little. (also heard last night from D22 that W claims to not be sleeping well lately). Part of me wishes there were a few more strange, unidentified numbers in my contacts for her to see, not just friends, family, and co-workers whom she knows. There's actually one recent contact in there she won't recognize; someone I did a little carpooling with for a class I'm currently taking. Maybe a dozen texts or so, and 1 call I think. Wondering what W thinks of that one. Is that weird of me?

I know that if/when we reconcile, transparency is actually not much of a problem on my end. I've never hidden my phone from her, and she knows its passcode. Normally I have had very little to hide and should prob have been just a little more mysterious anyway lol.

[25yearsmlc]

25,

W has only seen the 'transmission reports' on the cell carrier's website. No content. Texts are deleted fwiw.

No offence taken, I need to learn to think about these other perspectives. Might seem strange, but I feel kinda ok w/ the recent snooping, like I'm in her head a little. (also heard last night from D22 that W claims to not be sleeping well lately).

I am not sleeping well at all. Have not been for most of the past year. It's not about what I want to have happen, however. More like I have dreams of h hurting me, or fearful dreams, and sometimes excited dreams about an unknown OM in my future...

don't read into this^^^ minutia. You are over thinking it.



Part of me wishes there were a few more strange, unidentified numbers in my contacts for her to see, not just friends, family, and co-workers whom she knows. There's actually one recent contact in there she won't recognize; someone I did a little carpooling with for a class I'm currently taking. Maybe a dozen texts or so, and 1 call I think. Wondering what W thinks of that one. Is that weird of me?


no, it's not weird. It is common.

And it's not detached either. If you want to create some mystery for her, GAL for real. An odd phone number may mean your buddy or you are "trash talking" her to others and that hinders your hopes of a recon.


I know that if/when we reconcile, transparency is actually not much of a problem on my end. I've never hidden my phone from her, and she knows its passcode. Normally I have had very little to hide and should prob have been just a little more mysterious anyway lol.

Yes you must. Unless she fears losing you, she probably won't return.


And if a recon is going to happen, it won't or should not be, due to some mixed messages from or to your wife.

You will need clarity from her that SHE WANTS to re-commit. Not vague hoped for fogged up remarks or poor sleep.

IOW you won't have to play the guessing game if you are to reconcile. Because you won't reconcile unless you have a certain commitment level from her.

make sense?

[AvgGuy]

Yes, I appreciate what you have to say very much.
I do know that continued detachment is needed, and I do know my GAL efforts need to continue as well. Trying...
Some days/weeks are harder than others. This past week was a hard week, and I think when that happens I slip into looking for these little slivers of 'hope' instead of avoiding expectations and mind-reading.

My apologies if I come across as someone who is seeking to play games. I do not consider myself a game-player. While there may be some of that in my nature anyway (there's prob at least a little in most people imho), it's not something I normally seek out or enjoy. Mostly I just want to a) be able to be myself, b) have myself be a better version of me, and c) find things that work and progress toward recon.

Thanks to all who 'keep it real' here even when revealing to me things that I do/am which I'm not proud of. I've been known to be a prideful person, and while much of this whole sitch is unfortunate to live through, it is definitely stripping me of my pride and that's a good thing.