Blu...thank you for this it makes a lot of sense and is a really good post. I have felt myself mentally start to pull away from my W over the past couple of weeks. I think were I struggle is with the financial peace. Any advice on that? I make more than double what she makes and when she moved out we divided up the bills based on our incomes and since I make more I am paying for more than she is. She is still paying for her own rent, cell phone, utilities, etc. but she has called me a couple of times when she overspent. One time I had to buy her groceries to help her out when my D's were with her. By helping her like that am I showing her I am still attached and is that being too nice of guy?

This is a hard question! My first question would be, without over analyzing it, what does your gut instinct tell you? Do you feel taken advantage of? I read back a couple pages in your post, and I don't get that sense. She may have some struggles, but I am not sure that holding back on helping her, will somehow teach her a lesson. You also have kids, and if she has the kids and is just asking for some groceries, then I can see that it makes sense you would help her. If you feel in any way that she is taking advantage of you or manipulating you, then by all means, tell her sorry but you are not able to help her out with that.

I really liked reading that bit you put in there written by the WAW and her perspective. It makes sense. We often demonize our S and say that they are aliens, out of their minds or having a MLC That makes me cringe. I am not a huge fan of this because 1. we make an assumption that they are not thinking clearly and don't mean what they say, and 2. it further excuses us from having to look inward and what we need to change about ourselves. And as she says, the changes must be genuine and because we want to make them, and not to win them back. I agree with the IC, in the end we will all be 99% better off; people who dig deep and self improve will always be better off. Let us never get lazy, complacent, or take our loved ones for granted. My H blowing up my world was painful, but the silver lining is that I understand this now.

If there is something I would like to see you add to your list on the first post in this thread it would be that each of your leading examples be so that you can be a better man and so that you can be a strong role model for your children. You don't have to do any of this for your W. If you can make all your changes and she still doesn't want to work on the M, then she will absolutely be the fool and down the road she will have to make sense of that on her own. All in all though, you seem like you are on a great path and have a strong head on your shoulders! It's pretty admirable actually.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela