Any Advice?

[25yearsmlc]

PS

this affair your w is having is not very advanced time wise. I actually think it might have fizzled out by now or soon. 6 months is one standard, 18 months another. The types vary on whether it's not the first A for one of the AP's (as is the case with the OM if your info is accurate)

or a new first time ever, A, which tend to last longer. But they also tend Not to end in marriage, or marriages that last.

Except you are pushing things in a way that I don't get. Sandi advised you NOT to pursue the revenge course or to expose, (*you already confronted your w, so additional details about the A are irrelevant unless you want to use adultery as grounds for divorce. If there is no financial advantage, then why? Also what do you think is best for your son? He has a T, right? )

Sandi gave you advice about getting back the respect that a marriage needs,
so I'm confused about what you want. There is none of this "ruin OM's career" advice in DB and in fact, MWD opposes it.

Maybe some LBS will urge you on to the path of revenge. As sandi says, men tend to think they MUST FIX something. Not inside them, but in others.

I asked you before and I will one more time. What is your GAL and detachment approach?

How are you showing her the catch you are?

Be a husband only a fool would leave.

Instead you are driving yourself crazy with threats and obsessing. OM sure gets a lot of free rental space in your head.

Back off and take a breath. Be a good dad, and dig a lot deeper into what your w said.

I am not blaming you for her choices.

But it's rare that this happens in a vacuum. I don't know your w, but women tend to have A's for emotional reasons, not physical.

You are saying that her complaint was that you "neglected her for a few weeks" and that was why she wanted to leave the m?

Can you dig deeper? It's hard, I know. The real journey in life is an inward one and it's brave U& painful as he11 to do.

What would SHE say the problems were if she were here now?

What can you work on, in you? When the OM eventually falters, and he will - how are you going to look like the better choice?

Would she feel that you are going to hold this over her head forever, like the sword of Damocles?

And throw it in her face when you are angry? Or expect that she must abide by all your wishes b/c after all, you are owed now?

Might she fear you have made the A so public (revenge) that she cannot find her way back to you even if she wanted to...?

Be the better choice. Be a man only a fool would leave.


Till then you are spinning and I think it's dangerous to your m and to you.

Maybe stop taking polls and look inward.


When you have done your own personal best, and you really know it down deep,

then turn your marriage over to God, hold your head high and go in peace.