25yearsMLC 10 Years Later I FILE D part 6

[25yearsmlc]

So h and my brother (a L) spoke last night. Brother is not replacing my CA L, but helping narrow down what is actually in dispute.

In the 10 months since the court ruled that h was to pay me "$10" a month, (pension + temporary support), h has yet to pay the full amount. Not once.

And never the same date each month. I have to hunt for it and hope it's there. Oh and usually it's snail mail. What gives? When I could not drive, I had to take an uber to the bank. WTF?

ALSO H took all the joint accounts when we separated so that, in addition to spousal support, h owes me the half of our assets he took. It is not a small amount.

But When brother said that h is in arrears and ought to catch up with those, before we can discuss settling,

h told brother that his "L said he's Not in arrears."

HOW DO YOU FORGET THAT????

& I thought I was the comedian.

So I can't decide if h is being played by his L ("h, I will win big for you!") or if h "misunderstood" his L or just convinces himself of what he wishes. I doubt h told his L that he just took all the money when we separated. Oops.

Brother said h is "amenable" to settling & said h seems "worn and beaten down." It's so easy for me to feel sorry for h, but that is a very bad idea.

The 3 channels of H, Charm, rage and self pity.

I remind myself that h posted on FB about his "love of his life" OW just weeks after we sep, and bragged about introducing his new honey to "the family" (meaning his dad/brother since our kids refused). Who would be that cruel?

We were not fighting a lot before he left (H got mad a few times and it was, frankly, strange. All one sided, and way over the top. I get it now, but back then, I was bewildered by his anger).

H quit (or claimed to) his "greatest ever" job to avoid paying support and he told our kids that he would do so.

Why he told them, is beyond me. What was I supposed to do with that?

Oh yeah, and he was AWOL when I was in the hospital, which actually humiliated me and Oh yea, and h cut off tuition for d20... reading this^^ is like a splash of cold water in the face. "Thanks for the reality check, 25!"

When the LBS starts really thinking about a recon, I have to suggest an objective review of events. NOT to keep score but to assess how they'll feel down the road. Can they trust and find peace again, with the partner who inflicted so much pain on them?

my cousin and aunt reconciled with their spouses, but it was a few years after they divorced.

I presume there's a h wants to marry Schmoopie, or openly working at the surgery center as he has been the whole time. My brother said he seemed "worn out and beaten down."

I'm working hard not to care. It's harder than I expected. I am not detached enough and still struggle with the injustice of his boldly $h1tty behavior.

It's only when I face the reality of who he is that I find comfort in my new life. Not revenge, just more peace. I am where I must be.

If one text from me to him & one back, in almost a year, threw me off this much, NC is best. .


h told my brother that the "kids are not talking" to him and that h was hurt. As far as I know, h's arms still work - so He could pick up a phone and call our kids.

The longer he goes without contact, the worse HE will feel and
H created the very alienation he resents. What a cycle.

I genuinely see him a lot differently. Like I said, there are 2 h's.

One is the man I deeply loved and committed to. Spent 2/3 of my life with. I figure that guy is on an interplanetary trip, where he's unreachable (or the Australian bush??)

and he's not coming back ever or for light years anyhow. (Maybe the kids will be able to reach him someday.)

The other man is the spew spitting lunatic I'm divorcing. Extremely irritable, dishonest and disloyal.

I cannot wait to be divorced from him.

How strange that^^ is to say.