Three things typically happen when you let them go:
(1) The trapped partner no longer feels it necessary to fight off the other, and the relationship improves. It is not that the love affair is rekindled, necessarily, but the strain between the two partners is often eased.
(2) As the cool spouse begins to feel free again, the question he has been asking himself changes. After having wondered for weeks or months, "How can I get out of this mess?" he now asks, "Do I really want to go?" Just knowing that he can have his way often makes him less anxious to achieve it. Sometimes it turns him around 180 degrees and brings him back home.
(3) The third change occurs not in the cool spouse but in the mind of the vulnerable one. Incredibly, she feels better -- somehow more in control of the situation. There is no greater agony than journeying through a vale of tears, waiting in vain for the phone to ring or for a miracle to occur. Instead, the person begins to respect herself and receives small evidences of respect in return.
Even though it is difficult to let go once and for all, there are ample rewards for doing so. One of those advantages involves the feeling that she has a definite course of action to follow. That is infinitely more comfortable than experiencing the utter despair of powerlessness that she felt before. And little by little, the healing process begins.
Does this approach always work? Of course not. Nothing always works in human relationships. Some people will re-examine the decision to leave and decide to return. Others will keep on going. Either way, however, showing respect for yourself in the crisis will maximize the opportunities for your relationship to survive. Even if it's too late to reconnect , you'll have your self-confidence back and will be able to go on without him.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/22/1702:46 AM. Reason: start a new thread message
