Yes, I ran into the same problem - detaching but not in a loving way. Loving detachment is HARD.
Being physically attractive is not the same as being emotionally, psychologically attractive. It's vibe. My husband's OW is a total dog. Even my MIL said 'Oh noooo...' when I asked her if she thought OW was pretty. But you wouldn't know because she's got my WH wrapped around her ugly little finger. It's about how they make the WS feel. If you're not being loving in your detachment, she's going to feel that vibe.
Yesterday I tried this for the first time with WH - he was babbling on about something about our son, and I just looked at him sort of in the eyes - I find it hard to look him in the eye because I have strong feelings of aversion towards him still, so I settle for the bridge of his nose - a useful tip a body language expert gave me years ago - and kept thinking to myself "I love you". I feel it softened my 'energy' towards him. It may have worked because he texted me today to ask me about our son - doesn't bother usually.
Have you heard about the Law of Attraction? A lot of new age psycho babble if its not your thing, but it basically works on the premise that what you think and feel, you will generate and people can sense. What I find so fascinating about it is that its principles can be found in the Bible, which is, I am finding for myself, an ultimate source of ancient wisdom on relationships.
