She says she still feels the same about me. In the same voice, she says she dont know what she wants. To be honest she really is having a hard to committing to anything at the moment.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
I think It is generally Dobson's tough love approach on steroids....I don't have a specific link (that share their specific methods) I have just added them to my watch lists along with Sandi, TX, AS, LH and a few others so I can go back and read their old posts to help me gain a better perspective on mine.
I don't know if this is any use - some days I think I've cracked it, other days that I've finally lost it, but I had a realisation yesterday which may be of some use.
BTW, I totally relate to the feeling of confusion and not knowing what to do. My realisation yesterday has helped with this somewhat.
My realisation kind of dovetails with Sandi's very sage advice and what everyone else tells you here - be the spouse a fool would leave, work on yourself (GAL) etc. I knew all of this but because of the anger I felt at my WH's betrayal I couldn't be relaxed and my amazing self in front of him. My amazing self is evident with my colleagues, friends, the check-out clerk at the supermarket... but just not to my WH. Which was incredibly frustrating to me.
Yesterday I realised it all just boils down to this simple principle - you have to seduce your WW back to you (if you still want her back). That's all. How would you get a woman to fall in love with you if you thought she wasn't feeling you? That's what you have to do now.
I'm not saying you CAN make anyone fall in love with you - otherwise none of us would be here - but you can make yourself more attractive, more loveable. So when you ask - what is it I should do - just think to yourself - is this going to seduce my WW or repel her?
My opinion is that once she's invested again, emotionally connected, then you're on steadier ground to talk about commitment and MR etc. Until you've got her back on your side, I think any kind of R talk is just going to make you more unattractive to her. Think Don Juan - what's the master lover going to be doing here? He's not stressing, he's cool, he can take it or leave it if a woman walks way because he knows another one will be around soon.
Me suducing my wife is not going to happen. I understand your point. Act in a way, that is going to draw her near and not in a way to push her away.
Im a very attractive man. I'm 6'3 215 pounds. Getting another woman isn't a problem. Losing my family and W is at the moment. When I start detaching a few weeks ago my wife thought I already had another woman.
But I also realized I was detaching in a jerk way and not a loving way. Now I'm detaching better. I'm not an expert yet, but hopefully it comes soon.
I have also open myself to all avenues of outcomes. It's going to be hard but I just want to do what's right for my Sitch and we all do.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Yes, I ran into the same problem - detaching but not in a loving way. Loving detachment is HARD.
Being physically attractive is not the same as being emotionally, psychologically attractive. It's vibe. My husband's OW is a total dog. Even my MIL said 'Oh noooo...' when I asked her if she thought OW was pretty. But you wouldn't know because she's got my WH wrapped around her ugly little finger. It's about how they make the WS feel. If you're not being loving in your detachment, she's going to feel that vibe.
Yesterday I tried this for the first time with WH - he was babbling on about something about our son, and I just looked at him sort of in the eyes - I find it hard to look him in the eye because I have strong feelings of aversion towards him still, so I settle for the bridge of his nose - a useful tip a body language expert gave me years ago - and kept thinking to myself "I love you". I feel it softened my 'energy' towards him. It may have worked because he texted me today to ask me about our son - doesn't bother usually.
Have you heard about the Law of Attraction? A lot of new age psycho babble if its not your thing, but it basically works on the premise that what you think and feel, you will generate and people can sense. What I find so fascinating about it is that its principles can be found in the Bible, which is, I am finding for myself, an ultimate source of ancient wisdom on relationships.
