I don't know if this is any use - some days I think I've cracked it, other days that I've finally lost it, but I had a realisation yesterday which may be of some use.
BTW, I totally relate to the feeling of confusion and not knowing what to do. My realisation yesterday has helped with this somewhat.
My realisation kind of dovetails with Sandi's very sage advice and what everyone else tells you here - be the spouse a fool would leave, work on yourself (GAL) etc. I knew all of this but because of the anger I felt at my WH's betrayal I couldn't be relaxed and my amazing self in front of him. My amazing self is evident with my colleagues, friends, the check-out clerk at the supermarket... but just not to my WH. Which was incredibly frustrating to me.
Yesterday I realised it all just boils down to this simple principle - you have to seduce your WW back to you (if you still want her back). That's all. How would you get a woman to fall in love with you if you thought she wasn't feeling you? That's what you have to do now.
I'm not saying you CAN make anyone fall in love with you - otherwise none of us would be here - but you can make yourself more attractive, more loveable. So when you ask - what is it I should do - just think to yourself - is this going to seduce my WW or repel her?
My opinion is that once she's invested again, emotionally connected, then you're on steadier ground to talk about commitment and MR etc. Until you've got her back on your side, I think any kind of R talk is just going to make you more unattractive to her. Think Don Juan - what's the master lover going to be doing here? He's not stressing, he's cool, he can take it or leave it if a woman walks way because he knows another one will be around soon.
