Can you explain the temp test for me? She is nasty if I bring up the A but if I just go on about normal business she’s nice as hell, like it never happened. The fear I have with exposing the OM is that it might wreck everything for good. Any thoughts on this issue?
Your fear is irrelevant here as you can’t control any of this ^^^^^. Exposing the A to whoever (I will assume his W) can lead to all sorts of outcomes one being hatred to you from your WW but also possibly the AP seeing the very real possibility of him losing his W, he could try and save his MR leaving your WW out in the cold! This often happens with WH but is not a given.
If you read Sandi’s post you’ll see that at the moment your WW doesn’t see you in a very good light anyway irrelevant if the MR was perfect! (PLEASE READ HER POSTS) so what have you got to lose…
WW’s will go out of their way to see if you can be a viable plan B, what I mean by this is that she will try to keep you hanging on the hook by being nice and remain interested in you just in case her A goes nowhere. The problem here is that there is no desire to try and RC whilst she knows there’s no repercussions of her actions, she will “play” you and her AP/LO for as long as she wants. See it this way – You give her all the emotional/financial support and basically childcare she needs and she thanks you for it. AP/LO is getting the rest, the cream if you will you know all the good things the intimacy, the sex the desire the excitement the list goes on and on.
You need to break the cycle and let him cater for all her needs except obviously anything to do with your children, this should be arranged between the pair of you through a visitation agreement of some kind.
Once he has to start treating her like this she could EVENTUALLY become a “new wife” in his eyes with the same kind of problems he has to cater for in his long term relationship. Does he want this? Until you stop her from seeing you as always being available and always being there you’ll never know.
Do you see where the DR principles come in here..?
It’s either you or him NOT a bit of both. Don’t do this to yourself.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
