Looking for some advice

[mxdup]

I don't know if all of the financial stuff is true but certainly some of it is. I did not validate her when she first told me. I simply said if that's true then I'm wrong and I need to change. After I talked to my buddy, I apologized to her and validated her concerns. We have always had separate accounts and a joint. As of 3 years ago when we decided she should go back to school, I took over all the household bills. Within a week she said that she needed some spending money of her own as she felt like she was living off of me. We then tried giving her an "allowance" but she said that made her feel controlled. Within a month she started working one day a week and began keeping that as spending money. Fast forward a few years and she was working 3 jobs and saying that she had no time for school work. As of today she is working 2 jobs, paying her car payment and a personal credit card, I pay for everything else. What I didn't know until earlier this week was that the multiple jobs and paying for her own car was because she felt as if she was under my thumb. For the past year or so I have been asking/telling her to quit these jobs and focus on school as she keeps saying she is behind in school. I could never figure out why she didn't just quit. This recent puzzle piece actually makes total sense.

She keeps saying that she needs time to think and that she can't think in our house. I'm guessing she feels guilty living in the home I pay for while deciding whether or not she wants to be with me.

I really do feel guilty now that I know what's been bothering her and that I am likely the cause of this frustration for her. I've apologized and I can tell that they are only words to her. She needs to see some action/validation but I'm not sure how to do that.