Sounds like the financial stuff she mentioned is something you agree with. Is all of it true? I am guessing you have joint accounts? Can you both get separate accounts so that she can have some financial independence and not worry that you're checking up on her spending all the time? You can obviously stop being controlling financially and not guilting her and stuff like that, but if there are separate accounts, she might actually feel that the pressure from you can truly come off.
I feel like she just needs time and space - lots of it. And you need lots of GAL. When she's crying and you're talking to her, are you validating?
I know you want to heal all that hurt, but you can't rescue her right now.
