And a belated thanks to Doodler, who always manages to find the innuendo in any situation.
Holding,
Sorry about the innuendo. Your wife sounds as if she's similar to my XW, but I don't know what to tell you because I'm still trying to figure it out for myself. Thus, the innuendo.
Regarding your grief, don't be too hard on yourself; you're probably not a cold person at all. Give yourself some time process everything.
After separation, I was hard on myself for getting into a relationship with a woman that had such a difficult childhood. It took me a while to realize that I didn't know much about the bad things that happened during her childhood until well after we were married. I know that sounds ridiculous, but we'd been married long enough that I hadn't really thought about when I'd learned about the various abuses that she suffered. After I realized that I couldn't have known the extent of her abuse it was easier to come to terms with my own shortcomings and not beat myself up for things I couldn't have taken into consideration.
