Rebuilding my life #2

[lcause]

I'm sorry for both of you, Ginger and B. It's really hard to lose close ones.

Thanks for commenting though. I've always been like this, since the days I can remember. I've always craved for social acceptance or "superiority". Everything I do is to impress others (work out -> good body -> wow you have a nice body! or study -> intelligence/degree -> wow you have a degree in X?), I feel no joy whatsoever doing things that are solely for myself. That is my curse. My IQ is rather high... so it's not stupidity or whatsoever.

Therapy has no answers because it's all practices I would have to do... but those are for myself and the gratification happens with time... not the instant one my brain would require so convincing it is really hard. Meds could help but again, no avail.

Rose, I know what you're saying. I'm not gonna do that because I'm not attractive at all in this condition and frankly put I don't know if I ever want a relationship again...

I think I would just need time to be completely alone for a while, like a month without anything to get my attention, no PC, nothing. Just meditating, sleeping, exercising and eating healthy. Reseting, if you will. But that's just not possible.