I get it that you have never been depressed or felt this way about anything. But I can try to create the mental picture for you
Do you honestly believe you are so unique that you have to explain these things?
I wanted to kill myself. My Dad is clinically depressed, my Uncle and Auntie both committed suicide before they were 50 because of depression.
I know depression.. I can still taste it if I let it back in, I know about wanting to die.. I know about having no hope.. I know about having nothing that gives me any pleasure.
But guess what?…. life doesn’t give a sh*t about sob stories or victim mindsets… and each day that goes by is another day that you can never get back - so the attitude I had was "This is not happening no more, I will not base my life around situations and circumstances I can not change and I will take responsibility for my own happiness"
You firmly believe - "My story is different and I'm a victim of genetics" - don’t you?
Well outside of the world your currently living in there are MANY people who are dealing with what you are and many have it much worse than you.
People whose babies have died at birth, people are born blind, having your brother die of leukaemia at 6 years old- The list goes on… But you are not in a unique situation.
Sometimes in life, you have to stand up and be counted and find something that makes you tick. There is a whole world out there, and to suggest that there is nothing that gives you any pleasure suggests that you have gone out there and experienced everything the world has to offer.
You haven't done that because at the moment you are struggling to get out of bed.
You think seeing an IC is useless, you don’t want to see any friends, you want to spend time alone and you would prefer your XW to be nasty with you so when she is nice it doesn’t hurt you as much.
Sometimes you have to look at your situation in life and be brutally honest with yourself.
You have 2 options:
Accept that you need to put GAL as your top priority and accept that no one except you is going to pull yourself out of this stinking thinking hole your in - without blaming anything else and forget the 'story of me'
Or
Get it medically confirmed that you are indeed unique and you can receive the professional help and medication you need to recover.
