25yearsMLC 10 Years Later I FILE D part 6

[25yearsmlc]

Boy,- i did skim a little ;-)

Sounds like you are already are onto what H wants to avoid. In my experience, Judges do see through all the games and if they have a good idea that he is hiding assets, he will get roasted.


I can't recall if you were in a CA divorce, K, but that'd^^^ be great if true,

but unless I locate the assets, it's an extreme pain. Are you familiar with CA law? Alaska's subpoenas require Alaskan attorneys there Because theres no reciprocity, so it increases hassle & costs.

Also, I "won" 8 months ago and have yet to receive the full amount in a single month. I can objectively say that H has played dirty, and I believe he'll lose at trial. (I could be wrong). H "retired" to avoid paying support.

But even winning will cost me/us $100k more, and perhaps more importantly will cause me to borrow more money from family and friends.

I have never, ever borrowed money from people before. It's not cool. I'll do it if mandatory, but at some point you have to ask yourself - for instance - if you want to pay $100k in legal fees to win $125k, a year later.

I no longer insist on what I think is "Fair" to me - so much as what I NEED to be financially secure. Maybe that's wrong, but its how i feel lately.


His L probably told him that and thats why he called your brother. I think its as simple as that.

Not so simple, I think there is pressure on h that is beyond his attorney advising him, b/c the attorney has told h his case is not strong the whole time.

My brother said h was "pleading" in his tone, (and no, I do not think it's likely that h wants to reconcile. Even if he did, there is too much water under the bridge, & I cannot see how trust would ever re-appear. I'm done. An aspect of ego would make it great to hear the grand apology but since I know I AM SO DONE, it's not as important as it may have once been. Even if h marries Schmoopie it only marginally bothers me. The feeling of being discarded and disregarded, is pretty $h1tty. I admit that.

But being hurt is not the same as wanting h back and missing intimacy and being part of a couple, is not the same as missing my h.

H cannot be alone and he dove right into a relationship from our bed. And announced it on fb. What healthy secure (Kind or empathetic) man does that? ( And who wants to date a guy leaving a 35 year marriage the next day? --- or the months before?) .

I can't get into h's head so my goal in that arena is just not to let myself wonder.

It's already producing anxiety and confusion. & Backsliding into anger, so I'm redirecting my thoughts as best i can. And feeling very grateful for the meditation app.


As others have said, just let the process work itself out

I don't know who said that^ KG, b/c the advice I've gotten here is to get better or additional legal help and circumvent or speed up or press the process b/c the process sukks and is NOT working itself out.

I am not at all impressed by the process working itself out. That is why I'm fine with my brother involving himself, to an extent.


I am hoping Bro can reduce the issues H & I disagree on NOT b/c I'm giving into them but b/c h seems to think he is "Giving" me things like half the pensions whereas I'm entitled to it by law due to the length of our m and supporting him the whole time he worked there and I gave up a partnership in a law firm to move 9 times, take care of the kids ETC ETC ETC.

So that's not something I want to debate anymore and that's something my brother can assist in. AS IN --- "H, the pensions are Not negotiable as they are givens. So let's move on to something that we can negotiate, like giving 25 a lump sum in lieu of spousal support and..."

My CA lawyer will still have to sign off on things AND there are issues only My CA lawyer is qualified to do. Bro used to do divorce law but then years ago switched to a more pleasant and well paying specialty. (But bro was divorced and remembers quite a few realities.)

My hope is that my brother may get h to realize that h's numbers are just delusional.

If he fails, I won't have paid another $20k to Not get through to h



ad for goodness sake don't contact him directly ;-)

I get it, it was one text in a year, with 1 sentence on it, responding to H's 3-4 requests made in 24 hours - the night before a big family wedding...

(Um, Hells to the no.)

After 35 years of marriage & 2 years of dating, I am confident it was not pursuit.