25 I'm not working harder on it because again, nothing gives me a good feeling. It's really hard to force yourself to do practises or go out if you constantly think like "when is this over".
I'm like that with say dishes too currently. I had to pack a lot of the plates and cups so I just have a few of each. Otherwise they'd pile up. That's my life and there just doesn't seem to be any way out. I bet finding a new partner would do it though.
I lied. There is one thing that I want to do. Doing things for others, not for myself. That is happiness for me. I remember fixing a lot of things in my xfil/xmil house, but in ours I never even started. I need the validation I get from it and my XW never gave me any. It would have been nice to at least sometime hear the words "thanks for plowing the snow, going to the store and taking out the trashes. I would have frozen outside!". Or similar... XFIL was always so appreciative of everything I did because he never did anything for the house. He has money so small renovations were always made by someone else. I fixed their car multiple times and he was always amazed about it. That is what makes me tick. I don't need anything in return except the words "thank you" and that is sometimes. So happiness for me is putting the needs and wants of others first - as long as they seem like it's wanted. Maybe this is the nice guy syndrome... but I'm not passive aggressive about it or expect any favors in return. Just that the things I do wouldn't be just something expected always. It's really the minor things too. Why couldn't she never appreciate anything I did? I felt so unloved at times.
It's really ironic that NOW my XW is doing it. I take D to ice skating - "thank you". I take kids for one more day - "thank you". She is speaking my LL NOW. It makes this all so much harder. This is why I said it'd be easier if she was angry at me.
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
