Chris, your W is not "reaching out" to you. She is temp checking. You are so enmeshed with her, and she wants to keep you dangling at the end of the rope while she has an A with OM. Before this is over, she's going to try various things to pull you back (Not b/c she wants you, but just to see if she is still in control of the emotional relationship), so beware.
You have handled her constant texting and calling pretty well. You need to get tougher and act as if you are really done with her, not interested in what she's doing.....how she feels.....or anything about her), and move forward. I tell you this b/c I know how that works with the WW, plus......it makes you much stronger. When you read this, you may wonder if I'm pushing a D on you, I am telling you what works, and changing the dynamics is the name of the game. Even if the M isn't saved, you come out a winner b/c of the changes you make and the lessons you learn.
She is playing you b/c she is used to controlling the relationship. She did, right? She worked you like a spinning wheel. This is your chance, Chris, to take charge of things. Instead of being a slave to her constant checking, pouting, invites for sex, calling all hours in the night.......shut off your phone, except when you need to use it to call out.......or, stop responding to her. Stop watching social media, b/c you will naturally look for her stuff. You must emotionally detach, and it's really difficult when you are watching her. Know what I mean?
Although your feelings are telling you that you don't want to detach, and your fear may rise up at times.........I promise you it will be good for your male confidence to GAL apart from her. Go completely dark on her. As long as she is cheating on you, there is nothing to discuss. That is taking charge of your life, instead of waiting around to see what she decides to do about her affair......will she choose you or OM. That's insane.
I'm going to tell you something else that I hope you will seriously consider. If you don't require her to work really hard to get you back (notice I said to get "you" back), and if you let her come back too early and too easily (no work from her), there will be an OM #2, 3, etc. In order to change the dynamics in the MR, you need to decide that you will not tolerate any disrespect from your W, or any woman you may have a future R with. You set the standards in your life, and you decide what you will tolerate. When you decide you will not be her backup plan, her puppet to control, or you taking a passive stance, and you are done with her cr@p........you will see amazing results. It's your call, not hers. This is your life! That is the key to changing the dynamics..... when you decide to take charge of your life, instead of giving all that power to her......and, take the initiative to let her go, and GAL that has no emotional attachments to her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
