25yearsMLC 10 Years Later I FILE D part 6

[25yearsmlc]

And if you MUST contact him, do it by email, not text. Easier to keep documentation and an email back from him doesn't require immediate response.

Fair^^^ but turns out, any "direct" contact with him seems too tempting for me to blast him, which gets me nowhere. And it obsesses me. Truly No Contact is best for me.

I need brother and or Lawyer to forward my wants. And I will ask for it all.

I think we both just want it over. The piece of this that is ego, of course is bothered.

But I get that.
For some reason I really want it "known" (as if) that h was the one who delayed things. Not me.

His insistence on not paying me "a cent" and that he'd "rather be a pauper" and his repeated court violations are why we are still not divorced after a year of sep. He's cheap and selfish and dishonest. Oh yeah.

I assume he wants to marry schmoopie or "begin" working (i mean, openly) and thus, the pressure to move forward. Who knows? Maybe he's on Schmoopie #2...

Even though it hurts to feel replaced, (& it does) that is not a new feeling. Plus it kind of makes no difference. I mean, I know we are done. i know I am done.

I have nothing to give h except maybe, someday, cordiality and pity. The man I thought I loved and was devoted to, is like someone I knew a long time ago. That lovable guy is not "dead" per se, (b/c if he is, no one told me and no one brought food!)

more like he's on the Australian bush and is unreachable, maybe always will be...

He's a Separate entity from the cruel jerk h who has not seen our kids in a year, demanded they embrace HIS happiness with OW, treated me so badly when I was so sick, and has engaged in such long term deceit and character assassination that I'm just sickened by him and the past year has royally sukked.

At the moment I'm as disgusted by my renting so much head space to him - as I am to his behavior.

Today, I feel duped and I deeply resent that. Very tired of it. I think I've flipped the switch and I hope it lasts.

I am fairly confident that mostly it's about the money fears now. Fears that are holding me back, not the wish for my old life. The "itchy sweater" feeling I had suppressed the past few years was NOT okay with me.

I don't miss that, and I don't miss the eggshells h required and the high maintenance and not so subtle controlling negative forces in my life. OMG I'm shaking my head that an educated funny attractive woman *(YES ME!!) could have put up with this for so long

the law of sunken costs -- yeah i remember. (*Obviously I'm journalling here in free association).

Okay so, my nieces' WEDDING Saturday was a blast. Top 5 weddings of the 40 I've attended. I had maybe a total of 4-5 minutes cumulatively of feeling teary, but I contained them and I danced wildly. Also made a pretty brilliant toast, btw. (It was a good toast, but then there were a ton of rambling mumbling toasts which made MINE look better by comparison... )

d20 got way too drunk (as did most of the millennials, so maybe I'll just stop obsessing about that) and thankfully, no one was driving.

Some of the groomsmen took their shirts off later in the night. So some cops were called due to reports of "strippers" but ALAS, that was not true. It was hot and humid and we were just dancing.

Also they did NOT look bad without their shirts...just saying.

Also - why are you narrowing down your areas of dispute?

because I don't want to rehash what we know I'm getting (half the pension and at least half the nest egg.)

H pretends it's a concession; its not. Those are givens.



Don't give away your bargaining chips. You can use those things you don't care that strongly about as bargaining chips.

understood