Rebuilding my life #2

[lcause]

Thanks but that's not how my brain works. I just need to get over her so I don't mentally puke and want to get back home every time I go outside meeting other people.

IC is pointless because it's all talk, no meds. Talk does not help. She can give all the possible methods and practices but it doesn't help if I can't keep doing them... and I don't do them because I don't FEEL any reward from them. I need meds or something more drastic than talk.

"Being cheated on" or "losing my spouse" is not at all what I'm concerned about. It's that I don't feel passionate about anything. I can do all the passion practices but I can never achieve them or start building my life towards them because nothing gives me any reward or good feeling. If I'd win $30M in lottery, I would probably be like "sigh, why didn't I win $60M?". The same as getting my MSc papers in EE. Most people would have thrown parties and celebrated. I just said that "whooppiduu now I don't have to buy toilet paper because I got some papers to wipe my ass clean to".

That's my issue. And that has been for years, not just since BD. I feel dead inside.