Rebuilding my life #2

[lcause]

LC, look at the pattern below and see if you can learn from it. It really is up to you.

The thing I've learned is that waiting for the emotional side to die off takes long and before that I'm just not going to be able to function properly.

Did the hopeless outlook affect your behavior? Surrender is easier than making a consistent effort or a change.

I don't think it did. Because that's just how I've been. I don't need hope to change, I need time to get over her to change. It's not going to happen before that because I feel so dead inside.

were you two separated then or had she filed for D?

She claims they started talking a week after BD but there were DEFINITE signs before BD. But the talking happened before D filing and PA was before S.

I only ask b/c I think your w believes she did the heavy lifting in the m. Then she gave up. So maybe you both used the "hopeless" label to justify a course of action.

Maybe she felt that way, but neither one of us had the proper relationship or conversation skills.

declarations based on our emotional state, let alone a relatively new one, does not help us. No need to share our moods or new beliefs, too soon - if ever. New Behavior will always matter more.

Regardless, wallowing in regret is what you did at the start of this.

Why not make a different choice?

I know. I've just always been that way. It's easier to me then convince it really is there and to continue moving on. It was stupid.

You make it sound like I could just flip a switch and stop wallowing. I can't. My brains are just not wired that way. It'll take time for me to get over her.

Making declarations like you "destroyed the chances of a reunified family" is a repeat of the first belief you had coming here. You said it was hopeless and that OM was a better fit and you chose a screen name "Lost Cause",

then you declared the opposite, the divorce was a "blessing", you were "happier and better off" without your w, AND you told your wife this.

Then you planned to move 80 miles away from your kids...

Today you swing back to the original theme. I cannot help but notice that

All of these beliefs & declarations require little behavioral changes in you.
What's up with that?

Who knows? Maybe fear? Indecision? Trying hard to create synthetic happiness? Not being able to feel good in ANYTHING what I do? Not having a purpose? No passion towards anything? I feel so dead inside.

do you think you have any control in^^^^ creating this? Did you see an IC about it?

Not until I'm over her. Nothing feels good because everything reminds me of it. I do see an IC, but it's rather pointless.

did you move aay from the kids? What about GAL on the weekends you don't have them? I know we have discussed this at length but do you see any value in getting out to meet new people?

Not yet. The university starts next year if I plan to attend. It's hard to get into though.

Not until I'm over her. Because no matter where I go, I just feel I want to be alone. I feel that interactions or being with friends is so overwhelming and I just want to escape.

Life definitely does not feel like an adventure to me, rather, life is a curse.