Hi LovelyP, welcome to our community. This may shock you, but I'll just tell you up front that you need to get away from your H. I am very serious! This man is threatening you! . He has been treating you very badly for a long, long time. He sounds as if he has serious issues. That doesn't justify your affair, but neither does he get to brutally punish you. Some women endure this punishing behavior for years, but you do not have to stay in this situation..........and it doesn't matter what you've done, you don't have to live under this type of threatening conditions!
When you choose to do the right thing, your H can forgive you and work with you to resolve the problems in the relationship...........or he can refuse to forgive you. If he refuses to forgive you, then you need to physically separate from him to give him plenty of space and time without you. But for your own safety and for the sake of your MR......you need to get away from him. Do you have children?
Has your H been guilty in past times of throwing insults at you? Does he have angry management issues? Has he ever been physically violent?
I have been on this board for ten years, and something I have observed is I've never seen a wife who had a wayward mindset come from a M similar to the description you have given about yours. Of course, we don't have much information yet......but I have a gut feeling you don't fit the typical wayward wife description. I think you have an abusive relationship, and perhaps you don't want to admit it.....or you are afraid, IDK. I have seen a few previous posters with the same type of M, and the women thought they had to accept the H's brutal treatment. (I just wish I could remember their board names).
I am going to give you the link to another very lovely lady, who you may identify with......and if not, that's okay. Her name is Vanilla and she has laid low recently, but her threads are inspiring.
Btw, the spouse who comes to the board is the one who is reaching out for help. Stay strong, and safe. I hope you will be careful to keep your browsing history clear, so that he doesn't discover your posts. ((Lovelyp))
Well, I hope I don't scare you away from the board. You were probably expecting a different type of response. And, you may get them from others. These are just my humble opinions. You may feel better if you contact the DB coaches and get their advice. You can tell them things you may not want to share online.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
