What to Do? 3

[LH19]

I would continue with NC if she is involved with OM. You are married and its not an open competition.

What changes could you have possibly made that are real in one month?

She wants to cake eat right now. Don't allow it!

[Maika]

As LH said. If there is an OM, nothing will be gained from you reaching out to her.

[Lovelyp]

With going dark you need to assess and modify. If it is making things worse you need to change stratey.

[chris19]

Love - I do not think it is making things worse; because she is actually the one who has been reaching out to me.

I am saying this right now know; who knows what the future is holding; and if she is getting the D papers together??!?!

[TBSakaJ9]

If she is with OM it makes you look really needy and desperate if you are reaching out, pursuing, etc. Your better than that.....don't do it. That is not attractive and makes you look weak!

[Lovelyp]

I guess you need to read the thread about going dark. It will enlighten you on issues and learn from other people's experiences.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095

[LH19]

I guess you need to read the thread about going dark. It will enlighten you on issues and learn from other people's experiences.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095

The above scenario does not apply BECAUSE THERE IS AN OM. Stay NC.

[Maika]

If you're read my sitch, you'll see my recent update on changing things up - esp around going dark with my W and make a 180 on it.

The ONLY reason I am changing it up is because there is no OM in the picture right now - that I know of. This allows me to do a 180 on the passive angle because I can take it slowly and not come off as pursuing. And I am doing it in tandem with improving myself and working on having no expectations and detachment.

If I find out that there is an OM, that would radically change my approach - full NC outside of kids stuff and going dark. This is not just so that I wouldn't look weak, but really having some self-respect for myself. You know you're worth more than this.

Improve passivity in all other areas of your life. Reaching out to her is not going to make you look good. In fact she might actually detest it seeing that as a 180 right now - why didn't he do it in the marriage; it's too little too late, etc.

You want to show her strength. This is not the way to do it if an OM is in the picture.

[TBSakaJ9]

I have read it....if there is OM she won't be hearing from me. If she wants to end the R with OM then we can talk but until then I won't be chasing. Her choice.

[Lovelyp]

I agree with Joseph9 and Maika. I think if there is still the OM then its not advisable to stop going dark. If you are always available then she will continue taking you for granted. Going dark will force her to feel what it is like not to have you.