Finding my way out of the dark - Part 4

[Holding]

Thanks for the feedback, Joseph.

I had my second meeting for Divorce Care last night. I'm still not sold on it. There's a lot of focus on going through the program, and we always seem rushed when it comes to open discussions with the members. Maybe it's just my group. I'll give it at least one more try.

I'm starting to realize a lot of my pain has to do with rejection. It's not so much that I lost my STBXW, but that she no longer wanted me. It's an insult to my ego. I wasn't good enough, so I was discarded. That really hurts, considering my STBXW was the one who always treated me like an underling in the MR. Like I said, I probably should have left years ago. But my strong sense of commitment kept me stuck in a rotten R.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just playing sour grapes with myself. Like maybe the only way to save my ego is to see all the bad things in the R, and to reframe things in a harsher light. "Maybe it's for the best. She was bad to me anyway." Thoughts?

Last week my IC said it's not codependent of me to want to find someone new. It's a basic human need, and it's normal. So I think I'm going to have my eyes open for new R opportunities. Every guy I've talked to said they dated too soon after D. But maybe it's part of the process of getting to a better place, as long as I'm not trying to "use" anyone along the way.