Previous thread over 100 posts, making a new one so Cadet doesn't have to remind me!
Link to old thread:
Rebuilding my life LC, look at the pattern below and see if you can learn from it. It really is up to you.
Quick re-cap: Came here to save my M Never thought really to have any hope Did the hopeless outlook affect your behavior? Surrender is easier than making a consistent effort or a change.
Suspected OM, wife lies to have seen "a couple of times" Reality: they spent every weekend together when D is with me were you two separated then or had she filed for D?
I only ask b/c I think your w believes she did the heavy lifting in the m. Then she gave up. So maybe you both used the "hopeless" label to justify a course of action.
I went on spinning and really convincing myself I'm better off Told stupid things to my XW (better without her etc), regretting it now declarations based on our emotional state, let alone a relatively new one, does not help us. No need to share our moods or new beliefs, too soon - if ever. New Behavior will always matter more.
Regardless, wallowing in regret is what you did at the start of this.
Why not make a different choice?
Destroyed the chances of a re-united family Making declarations like you "destroyed the chances of a reunified family" is a repeat of the first belief you had coming here. You said it was hopeless and that OM was a better fit and you chose a screen name "Lost Cause",
then you declared the opposite, the divorce was a "blessing", you were "happier and better off" without your w, AND you told your wife this.
Then you planned to move 80 miles away from your kids...
Today you swing back to the original theme. I cannot help but notice that
All of these beliefs & declarations require little behavioral changes in you. What's up with that?
Logically detached and accepted the situation, emotionally not even close Hopefully someday I have a fulfilling life
do you think you have any control in^^^^ creating this? Did you see an IC about it?
So, today was a low-day for me. Free from work, very tired, been just sleeping the entire day waking up every hour or so. This f#cked up sleep is just getting the better of me. I understand. Sleep matters a lot.
Got up from bed at 4pm, lol. Been so emotional today that I can't even understand. Now I just read some threads where their XW has had a baby with OM and man did that feel horrible. Panic attack made a comeback. This^^^ is so not productive.
I blocked my h and OW from the get go, thank God. It's a protective measure and it's also logical. There is nothing you can do about what they MIGHT do or think or plan or feel. Put a STOP sign in your mind if you need to, and redirect it to something positive or the image of water rolling off your back, etc. Sounds gimmicky but it helps.
Plus the more space you give them in your head/heart, the more stuck you will be and that is (not attractive to your w) and that is not happy for YOU.
If you have an IC, you can work with them on how to do more cognitive behavioral techniques that help.
Really, there are resources out there that make a difference.
I'm not making this up.
Well, day by day. Hoping for a better future Missing my kids so much. did you move away from the kids? What about GAL on the weekends you don't have them? I know we have discussed this at length but do you see any value in getting out to meet new people?
What about joining a DivorceCare group? They are all across the nation. And they do not push their religion on you - ( it's just that it is mostly churches who host them.) We end our sessions with a prayer, about half the time. I have Hindus, Christians, some Jewish people and agnostics in my group.
- I just want to sleep well again.
Can you try a new behavior to help you sleep? I think you got the Insight Timer app, correct?
I admit to needing sleep aids at times, esp in the 3 am nightmare awakenings. Poor sleep causes depression, btw. So it becomes a cycle we have to break.
Where is your family, btw?
Hang in there.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
