I have read on other sites, that if you S is in an A then the LBS has to make themselves more attractive. Is that the same as making yourself a person only a fool would leave?
Also, is detaching a contributing factor to the LBS confidence and appeal to the WS?
Becoming more attractive is important, but here's the thing.........it is more than just the physical appearance and dressing better. Have you ever seen a beautiful woman married to a man that was not exactly Hollywood material? And, many very handsome men marry a woman that wouldn't win beauty pageants. So, what is it that draws them to each other? There was something that wasn't just physical looks, but something deeper. They had a chemistry.
My point is that becoming more attractive must go deeper than just physical appearance. It is what she sees in your manliness.There needs to be chemistry felt. Women are attracted to what they see in his manliness. She respects a H who won't take her b.s., and he won't put up with her crap behavior. There is no way in hades he would tolerate disrespect, betrayal, and cheating from his W. He doesn't beg & plead with a cheating W. He drops her like a hot potato if she dares to bring another man into the picture. Yes, he still loves her, but she is not attracted to his love right now b/c she has changed. Rather than showing her how much he loves her by sticking it out, showing her he's the bigger person, trying to prove how well he has improved, etc., ..........he needs to let his manly character shine, and stop pursuing her, and let her go. When she sees this action, it causes her attention for OM to be distracted and focus on why her H isn't interested in her anymore.......and she becomes very inquisitive about his GAL activities. I realize this may make no sense to you, but what you think or feel you should do right now.......is probably the opposite of what works with a WW. I can't express everything in one post, but I do have some threads about the WW.
Women are drawn to the "cool" guy..........not a shumk, a wuss, an "all talk and no action" guy, not a "know it all", not a man she sees as being weak. This is very important when dealing with a WW..........if you show weakness when interacting with her, it really turns her off. She admires the guy who has self confidence.......but isn't a show-off. He has inner strength and it shows by the way he handles himself in situations......and especially when dealing with unpleasant people, including her. She respects the man who will stand up to her and not kiss her a$$. Now this may sound totally opposite of what some men had in mind about attracting a woman. Sure, women love the charm, attention, and romance........but right now I am trying to give you a picture of the natural qualities that causes attraction.........including a WW.
There has to be chemistry. That's what attracts her to you. So, let me name off a couple of things that absolutely kills chemistry in a MR, and I am speaking in cases of no type of abusive behavior. IMHO, a passive man is the number one thing that kills it for a woman. When you start taking a back seat in the day-to-day stuff. You leave most things up to her, b/c you think it's easier to just go along with whatever she says. Then, it's not long until she is calling all the shots and you are trying to please her......thinking it will put her into a better mood. Your daily life is pretty much based on what kind of mood your W is having that day. And, the more you cater to her, try to appease her, etc.......the more she seems to be moody. It's like she has this anger just below the surface......but you don't know why. She begins doing little things that are disrespectful to you, but you tell yourself not to make a big deal out of it and to be the bigger person, and so you don't do anything about it. She ups the level of disrespect, and as time passes she resents you and has lost respect b/c you've stopped being the man who attracted her way back at the beginning.
A lot of people these days talk about marrying their best friend. Whatever........but frankly, I think many couples find themselves as roommates b/c they just have a friendship and it killed the chemistry. Maybe it's the friendship mentality, instead of having a lover's mentally. When you've you been M for a few years, you learn you have to work at maintaining chemistry to keep that attraction between the two of you. Getting too comfortable can lead to laziness.......and the spark is gone. Women need that spark to nourish their feminin soul, and when she is starved long enough..........she will often times try to find nourishment from other sources. She may turn to reading romance novels, become obsessed about a celebrity, have an imaginary affair, have an emotional affair, or a physical affair. This is a woman who is searching for a man who causes sparks in her. Her MR is lacking that chemistry and she feels empty.
So, to answer your question about being a man only a fool would leave.......absolutely. However, the problem is that men's idea of what that looks like......is far from what attracts the woman. In other words, many H's first action to save his M is to start doing more work around the house. Okay, but just understand that is not what causes sparks. She may appreciate it, but most WW's expect it.....so there you go. In her mind, she's thinking, "Well, it's about time"! You see, her mindset has changed and she's not the girl you married. So, go ahead and work yourself to the bone, take care of the kids, cook the meals and clean..........but it will do nothing to attract her to your manliness. She needs to see that manliness in you. And I'm not saying it's not manly to do these things. I'm telling you from the view point of a wayward mindset that she will take advantage of anything you try to do for her.......be it housework, or whatever. No sparks there. She could have someone else to do these things.......but it would not cause her to be sexually attracted.
Therefore, I say to improve your manliness. And I am saying this as if I am talking to all the men here, and not just personalizing you. I talk a lot about the mindset of the wayward wife, and some people may think it doesn't matter.......but if you are informed about what you are dealing with in her.....why wouldn't it matter? It would give you a better insight to how she operates, responds, etc. I can promise you her mindset has changed and she has changed. The old ways you might have used to smooth some situation will not work with her now.
Does any of this make sense to you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
