What to Do? 3

[chris19]

However, since we married he hs been passive. He would not make an effort to do anything or to resolve fights. When we had problems he would withdraw and avoid saying anything and he had so much resentment. He was not initiating communications or anything related to the marriage so I felt the need to plan for us. I would literally suggest what I need us to do and he would grudgingly go along and do. Slowly I would bottle in a lot of things that hurt me and as a result I lost desire for him.

This basically describes me. Through reading the posts to my sitch along with others, it is obvious how the passiveness within the H can cause loose of desire with the W. I believe this is my major failure, and I kind of know because my W has expressed this before...I just never really understood it until now (which is prob too late). I am still trying to find ways and understand how to not be passive as a person in general to 180 myself. But I cannot seem to find to much literature on the subject.

Sometimes I would suggest something in a way to provok him to stand his ground and refuse and when I saw him comply I would get turned off.

My W has done this in the past; the most obvious form of this is when she told me about the OM when she first met him. She told me he made her feel like she wants me to make her feel.

I have a question for you; when you were involved with the OM, were you like addicted to talking with him? I made the mistake a couple weeks back to look at my W phone records, and she seems to call the OM constantly (multiple times a day - some calls are lengthy, other calls are just a few minutes). It just seems she talks to this person soooo much. She even calls the OM like right before or right after contacting me. What does that even mean?

Also, where you ever physically separated from you H? I am currently living apart from W.