One of the hardest things that many have to endure is the MLCer living at home and in your face every day. They act out, i.e., like a teenager, in an adult body, and do not want to accept responsibility for their actions.
Your w's comment about asking for permission to go out sounds just like a teenager addressing their authority figure, i.e., parent. She sees you as a "father figure", someone she feels the need to be accountable too and frankly, she resents it. She wants to be able to come and go whenever she wants and leave you to take care of the family, etc. Your expectations of her being mindful and courteous about such things needs to be lowered. Teenagers don't always think about informing the parent just how long they are going to be out. They think it's okay to stay out beyond curfew, i.e., just as long as they don't get caught.
In a normal situation, people are generally more courteous and will state when they think that they will be home or will call/text if they are going to be later than what was discussed. You, unfortunately, like many others posting here, do not have a "normal" relationship at the moment w/an adult. I'm not making excuses for her behavior and you most certainly had every right to ask when she would be home.
Mlcers want validation and approval for things that they have accomplished. It doesn't matter if it is something small or large...they want to be recognized for their efforts. Yes, there are times when they do something wrong and there are two ways that they may deal w/that wrongful act: 1. sweep it under the rug and act as if nothing transpired earlier; or 2. Bend over backwards and do something nice for you. Of course, they also may go out of their way to be nice and do something that you will approve of...because they've done something that you will find out about later and they may feel guilty about not telling you about it.
Bottom line, you aren't dealing w/an adult. However, just as you would a child and/or teenager, you can point out their behavior if it impacts how things are being handled in the same household...just remember...it's how you address the subject w/them.
It's a one step forward, two step back process. If something works, continue on w/that...if something isn't working, then try something else.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
