WAS OR WHAT 10

[roist]

Hi. coly. Thanks for your lovely message. It is good to have someone compliment my husband capacity I am sure one day I will have that special R I want (and yes deserve).

Early on I broke my incapacity to communicate well and discuss stuff with W. Since I have gotten used to poor communications and now that I have refocused on it I realise I am struggling to chat easily with her. I acknowledge that my shutting this side of things probably helped me cope, but I have some work to do to get back to where I want to be. In my defense I am not the only not starting conversations! II will work on my side and we'll see if that helps. I am not going to pressure myself though.

Bttrfly. Of course you are right, but if you had observed the conversation she was like a scolded teenager hence I must have been the father figure. Job says we should ignore such stuff if not important. For me it was a principle so I spoke up and hence she got the disapproving father treatment her mlc brain feared. I am not stressing about this but if anyone wants to comment on handling it different if it occurs again, that could be helpful.


Not much else to report except another observation. My W when she does something above normal chores she ensures I know how long she spent doing it. Typically I would notice something was done and thank her or other form of appreciation to which the response is often about how much time or effort she spent. I validate. It feels like she is seeking approval/acknowledgement. Whether this is sought to appease a need she has, or it is an effort to gain my approval appreciation idk. Until now I was sure that it was about her. Bit maybe a part is for me, to give me something to make up for what we don't have. This is speculation and not something I dwell on but I find it curious. Firstly because I think her LL is acts of service. But on another level, my 10 year old son would sometimes" spring clean" his room or do something else shortly after being scolded for bad behaviour,he does something extra "good" to make up for the bad behaviour and hence re establish the peace and how things were.