MLC or WAS... either way, I'm here

[LAJar]

LONG Update: Even though H & I are not communicating, this weekend was still emotionally draining. S came home from school for a visit, so I was happy about that. H is the only father he's ever known, so I worry about how S is dealing with all of this. He's very much like me, private & keeps emotions inside. In the past, I avoided some conversations w/ S for fear of making him feel uncomfortable (and probably myself too). An example that caused a big problem for H & me, I never changed my maiden name & was a sore issue for H. My reasoning was that I didn't want H & me to have one name and S to have another and not feel like part of our family. I never asked S how he felt & when he was younger I still don't know how I would have felt discussing with him. As I got older, I should have brought it up. H told him the one time they spoke since he left, that it was an issue for him. I discussed w/ S and he very nonchanlantly said, If you would have wanted me to change my name, I would have. Uh! Talk about regret for something so simple. Anyway, after realizing I have a tendency to do this, I decided to bring up what's going on and see how son is coping. He's doing relatively well, but is definitely upset. Has a lot of harsh, valid things to say about H and his choices. This will go down as a 180 for me.

Since H left, I have also only had contact with SIL 3 times on text. Yesterday she called me in the morning to ask if she could stop by with two of MIL's closest friends. Since MIL's passing, we have remained in contact with her close circle of friends. I wasn't sure they knew what was going on prior to them coming over. It was an extremely emotional meeting. I was able to discuss with them my feeling H in MLC. I explained what he has done and how it relates to the stages. Light bulbs were going off for SIL, who has been witness to much of this. They are not surprised by him being in MLC, given his childhood history with his father. They just can't believe his behavior, from A to financial choices. SIL has told me H has brought OW to FIL's home and tried to bring her to a family gathering. After taking OW to FIL's house, SIL told him not to bring her around anymore and said she was not welcome at her house. This is beyond hurtful and crazy to me that he's already trying to bring her into the family when we are still married.

With that being said, I feel fully supported by them which is nice. I feel for SIL, because I know at some point this may end for me, but she will be dealing with this for long after. SIL and both friends told me I should just be done with H. He is far too damaged to turn things around and I shouldn't accept this behavior. I have also heard from my brother the same, but he also feels like I am using MLC as an excuse for H. I've told brother that's not the case, but that understanding MLC helps to explain the behavior. I'd still have so many ? if not for this. Has anyone else experienced this and how have you helped them understand the need to know?

This Friday will be 10 year anniversary. I will be out of town at a music festival with brother and his gf. I'm so thankful they've invited me and I'm sure the day will be tough, but much easier with this distraction. I had a friend ask today how I felt about this looming date and admitted the difficulty but said in some ways I don't even feel like it's my anniversary. There's nothing to celebrate this day anymore and doubt I'll hear from H. There's nothing to celebrate on a wedding anniversary if there's only one person acknowledging the marriage. I just hope I can really deal with the day and move on.