This used to be easier - and a lot more fun, cont.

[DonH]

Wow, coming up on 4 months since I've posted on my own thread. I had to even find it again! Not that I've haven't posted on others and I pretty much stop by several times a week and catch up. Just have not posted here - which means catching up on 4 months takes some time - an entire summer's worth. For those with enough interest, and some knowledge of my past, here we go.

I guess the place to start is, I'm really doing well. Then again, I pretty much have been all through. Somewhat on the advice given here, I've given up on "trying" to meet women and just letting things happen - and they have.

I'll start with the craziest of all - at least to me. Anyone remember the friend of a friend who lives on the east coast but comes back "home" as she calls it, at least once a month? Like the others, I had pretty much given up on her after she got weird on our last date - which was over a year ago now. We've very lightly kept in touch with a FB post, comment or text here and there. Then I started noticing her liking or commenting on nearly every of the few FB posts I make. Hmmmm, what's that about? I then figured I'd wish her a happy birthday and got a clearly depressed response - or at least that she was struggling. I do feel bad for her as she is in much the same place as some of us here. Not my problem, not mine to fix but I do have empathy for her. We talked a bit and that was it. Well I did talk with her friend, who remains a very good friend of mine as well.

So imagine my shock then about a month ago, just as I was about to leave on a four day trip, inviting me to come visit her and "hang out by the ocean" as she put it. Huh?????? I hardly hear from you, you show little interest but out of the blue invite me to stay with you for an extended weekend? Who does that? Is this "normal?" I did respond and some decent conversation followed over several days while I'm away. Again, out of the blue, she does a complete about face, says she's not in a good place and doesn't need "crazy in her life." Now I may be and may bring a lot of things, but most certainly crazy is not among those things - which really P'sd me off. I quickly dropped the rope and did not respond much more. A day later and my phone is blowing up with texts and calls. Seriously? Believe who people show themselves to be. There is more to this story and her loneliness together with advice from our mutual friend likely had something to do this this. We did meet when she came back to town but I can't get over her behavior and it pretty much took away my interest. We've not talked much since.

Very busy summer. I have increased the GAL although much of it still centers around band gigs and trips - which is very normal for me. However, so many of these trips are 75% vacation and GAL and 25% "work" Booked a 100% vacation trip I've wanted to do for a long time to Washington DC for next month. I've been to many places but never DC. Hope to meet up with a friend from high school who just retired as a colonel and still lives out there. May meet up with another friend as well. Beyond that, I'm going by myself - which has often been how my vacations have gone for the last 12 years. Going to a beech resort or something like that by myself - no way. But DC is a perfect place to go by myself and explore - in fact I sort of prefer it.

Ran into another lady I've been attracted to back in July. Clearly we'd at least go out if she didn't live in PA and me in WI. At least it was a self esteem boost and nice to connect and spend time with someone in a romantic type way. It felt very natural and was very enjoyable.

The friendship with the is she gay is she not gay woman continues to grow - very well actually. We are so comfortable with each other and she makes an effort - clearly. I mean, I'll just leave her a casual message (if she doesn't answer) and within hours she's returning the call - and this happens pretty much every time - even when I say "just calling to say hello." We'll often talk for hours. Still not sure if she's into men or not. She clearly does not have a BF and doesn't seem to want one. She calls me dear and hun and all sort of other names yet it seems very natural. We've done some walks together - she's huge into fitness, actually is an athletic trainer, but doesn't do much with that certificate these days. Met for drinks and dinner. Might something develop? It well could or it may not. Thing is, I'm not even thinking about it, just enjoying her friendship.

So have I gotten anywhere or any clarity through this summer? Perhaps I have and it may continue to answer why I've not had a GF in 4 years and not much in the way of Rs in the 11 years since my divorce in October 2006. I want to be invited to the party - I just don't necessarily want to go. That became clear with the east coast lady - although her behavior was also a big factor, no doubt. But I'm not sure I was all that attracted to her in the first place. It was enough to pursue something but as soon as she returned the interest - dysfunctional as it was - I was not nearly as sure. Does that make sense? It feels for sure that I don't at all want to work at it or for it. If it happens in an easy, no drama, no hassles way, I may be in. But I clearly don't have a lot of effort to put in to pursue someone - and perhaps they can sense that? Then again, with some, I clearly put in the effort. Am I even making sense now?

This is how it was prior to meeting my exW. Some people seem to fall for anyone or can "settle" for anyone. A year ago I got contacted by an ex GF who broke up with a long term live-in BF. I was not much interested in going back there but would have reconnected. Within a month she "met someone new" and was just married - for the 4th time - last month. Some people do that. It's just not at all me - never has been. The good thing about not trying as much is I'm just as happy without the frustrations I was often talking about here. I still miss intimacy - especially just holding hands, snuggling together, kissing, things like that. But not enough to settle and above all, I still rarely really, really find someone I'm very interested in. It's always been that way and perhaps always will be. Ex W came out of nowhere and the pieces just fit. Will that happen again? Who knows but something tells me it's not likely.

And so I'll end with this. I've not had any contact with ExW since 2.5 years ago when our dog had to be put to sleep I sent a text and let her know. She thanked me, etc. but that was it. Anyhow, for the longest time she wanted me to cut this tree down by the back deck. I really did not want to as it was the only one near that area of the house, had to be like 40 years old and just, well just didn't agree and it stayed. Well mother nature took off the top in a storm and it's just overgrown way too far so a friend and I removed it a few weeks ago. Somehow it dawned on my how many times ExW talked about - actually it became a joke - taking that tree down. At least I thought it was a joke - perhaps not. On a total spur of the moment whim, I took a picture of it on the ground and the vast open erea and texted it to her with a comment of "well it may have taken me 14 years but I finally took down that tree you wanted out of the way." I thought it was friendly enough - and totally my sense of humor. No response. And in this case, I could not have cared less - sort of expected not to hear anything.

And that's my update for this time. I'll try not to wait another 4 months but no promises. Life really is good, I can't complain. It without a doubt could be much, much worse. I'm rather happy on balance. Yet, everyone said for years and I still real on the boards all the time about all sorts of people "Don't worry, you'll meet someone else" blah, blah, blah. Seems like age 42 to 54 went by in a blink and I'm no closer to having a significant other now than I was then - perhaps farther from. I hope I didn't waste some good years there. In ways I fear I did. Oh well. Life is what you get when you're making other plans.