STBXW was out of town this weekend, visiting a friend (uh, yeah right). But life with just my boys and me feels normal - we had fun and kept busy. We're used to not having her around. If I can keep the house, I think this'll be okay for us. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those "the kids will be fine" people. But I do think this might not be quite as horrible for them as I'd imagined.
The transformation of this process is scary. I do wonder sometimes where the real me is in all of this. I look back on myself pre-BD, fat and complacent, and I recognize my flaws in the M. I look back at the me immediately after BD, and I see someone desperately - and embarrassingly - trying to hold on to something that was already gone. Now my anger is wearing off a bit and I'm looking down the road unsure about what's next. The future me will probably look back on me now and see someone different as well. I guess I just have to tell myself, that no matter where I am in the process, I'm doing the best I can.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
