Man that's a hard question. If she responded that way I'm sure my impulse would be to get angry, which certainly wouldn't help things. But what IS the appropriate response? I could validate until the cows come home but if she still refuses to come home, then what?
That's the hard part...If it's not a pattern, she hasn't done it before so there is no history of her disrespecting your time. However in the back of your mind your not wanting to be a push over NG. I battle those thoughts daily with my W and the only thing I can say is that you pick and choose your battles. IMO it is about balance. If she had the kids though and she wanted to dump them on you then the obvious answer is no I have plans, you figure it out. That would be a perfect opportunity to show you have a spine. My W did that to me early on this summer when she wanted a break and I told her "no, I have plans". She never asked me again.
I don't think getting angry would have been an appropriate response. IMO you handled it just fine, it is on your radar which is good, she doesn't have any prior's.
Was this a last minute request or did you have hours in advance to prepare? I think what I would be more concerned with is her lack of asking you if it was alright. She just made the choice and told you. It wasn't like you were part of the decision making process.
For example, I understand the need for you to work and make money, etc. however in the future I would appreciate you discussing this with me first vs just assuming I am available to extend my time watching the kids. I think I would have more of a problem with that then her actually taking the meeting. Does that make sense?
