So back in the house. Tonight will be the first night she and I are both in the house. She doesn't want me to sleep in the bed and I told her to bad, she can sleep on the couch or with one of the kids if she doesn't like it. We'll see how tonight goes. She has no interest in stopping the affair and now that the OM's wife knows they are on the way to divorce. I will probably set up a meeting with an attorney tomorrow and start the filing process. I would have preferred she gave the marriage a chance but that just doesn't seem possible and other than having the kids half of the time, i am probably better off without her.
Me: 43 Wife: 37 2 Kids: (8yr old B, 5yr old G) OM Discovered Mid Aug '17
My W came over into between soccer games and shut the door when she went to the bathroom, normally she leaves it wide open. I agree, crazy isn't it. They are in a whole other world.
Now that I'm back in the house and my wife isn't moving out. I dont know whether to be nice to her, short with her, ignore her? It's such a strange dynamic. We watched TV together for a while last night...well we were in the same room anyway but there was conversation. She went to bed early, I followed an hour or so later and slept in the same bed but its a king so there's an ocean between us. I'm just not sure how to act around her. Ive mostly just been keeping to myself, playing with the kids. It feels weird to ignore her but its probably best I assume.
Me: 43 Wife: 37 2 Kids: (8yr old B, 5yr old G) OM Discovered Mid Aug '17
Don't ignore her. Try your hardest to be yourself. I'm struggling with that now. You are going to walk on eggshells around her for a while. The fastest you can just become yourself the better. Cadet put Sandi 37 rules and read detachment with love.
When it comes to detaching it needs to be with love, not cold, spiteful, revengeful, or mean. One way to go about this is to treat WW like a neighbor.
So, you still speak, hi and bye. Hope you have a good day. And go about your way. If she wants to talk listen and validate. You don't want a hostile house. So being kind will help with that.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Don...I think the general theme is treat her like a friendly neighbor. Don't be short or ignore her rather just pull back some. I remember interacting with my W when she first moved out. It was hard because I didn't know how to act and It is probably the same with your W as well. I personally just try to take my W's lead based on how I read her mood. If she is more talkative and happy then we engage more if she is not then we don't. I find it hard to make small talk with her especially when your not getting the dialogue back in return. To be honest it is just awkward in general.
I wish I could help you out more but so far it sounds like you are on the right path. Start to think about what you can do for yourself, GALing etc. to get you out of the house more so you start to become mysterious to our W to make her wonder where you are at or what you are doing. You could also consider watching TV in another room if it is to weird because you don't want to give her the impression you are following her around the house or walking around on pins and needles. That is where your confidence comes into play.
The mantra around here is to treat her like a neighbor or co-worker. Your'e not rude or cold but you don't go out of your way to engage her. You say good morning and then go on with your day. Her moods don't effect you in the least. If she engages in conversation you listen and validate. Always try to be the first one to end the conversation.
I believe the general census is to treat her like a neighbor. So glad that you are back in your home and in the bed as well. If she gets pissed off enough, then let her sleep elsewhere. Bet she us still in the bed at the moment. Just keep doing what your doing. I suggest watching tv elsewhere. She will accuse you of following her around. As if your not interested in watching the same show....smh
