WAS OR WHAT 10

[roist]

For the most part during this crisis my W has focused on looking after her kids. At times it felt like her kids (not ours) though for the most part I can't complain about this aspect of things. One issue I did have however is she tended to group me in with the kids and treat me as one f them. It took a concerted long slow effort but gradually I got that to improve and now she rarely talks to me as she would them. And if she does I let her know to talk to me differently. Furthermore now she almost always says "dad & I" when mentioning something or scolding kids, whereas before it was "I".

I mention this for two reasons. Firstly it shows some progress can be achieved by mindfully enforcing a boundary. Secondly and more relavent to this journaling is that she took on a mother role in our R.ThThis contrasted greatly with other behavior especially earl,y on in this crisis, where I would gave said she was like a teenager.

Friday night she went out with a friend (girl). She asked me at the table with the kids during the evening meal, if she had permission to go out!! I found the wording strange but replied I didn't mind if she went. She stayed out longer than intended. This wasn't an issue for me, but she never texted to let me know, which I didn't like.

I know we are supposed to not mention poor behaviour and emphasize good behaviour, but I still brought it up, by saying I would gave appreciated her letting me know. I said I wasn't her dad so I didn't like having to bring up something about common courtesy. She replied that when they go out they decide as they go along. And asked if we could take it that whenever she is out with this friend that that will be the case. I said I had no problem with that but I didn't see how sending me a text would affect that.

I don't have any fears about my W going out. What got to me was we care still effectively living as a married couple. Am I wrong to continue to have such expectations?

For me and standing up for how I am treated I think I was right to say something. Taking the bait and accepting the father role was probably not the best thing to do. Though at the time I felt like saying if she didn't want to behave as a couple, she can leave anytime. Another thought I came close to expressing was " how old are you?".

This is not a big issue but sparked memories of earlier behavior that hasn't been observed in a long time.

My W doesn't go out very often, just to state.

As mlc behavior goes this is tame. I know things could be a lot worse. But I imagine if things get a little worse I will not want to continue as is. She is free to leave but not to stay any which way.

I reread this thread to remind myself of those small improvements. I am probably just as likely to let W know I have had enough as I am to follow through on appreciation day! TBH neither stresses me. So watch this space to see whst happens. Tune in next time ..... though in reality you may need to check back in a few months before anything happens!!

In the meantime I may have found a second activity to do in a group. Roist is getting out there doing stuff and meeting new people. Yes.