Still here. Still not detached...

[Chris73]

Great weekend with the kids until yesterday afternoon rolled around, and I could really use some advice from the vets...

My W does not work on Sunday and our current plan dictates that she always has the kids on Sunday night. I play guitar in a weekly blues jam in Philly and it's the GAL highlight of my week. So yesterday she calls me to say that she just got a last minute job request from a high-profile client and she wouldn't be home until 9. So I agreed to stay home with the kids and forfeit the blues jam.

After hanging up the phone I was resentful about "the position she put me in" and I thought about talking to her about it today. My initial thought process went as follows: My W put me in a situation where I couldn't say no. She knows that I will opt to spend as much time with my kids and in my home as I can (I've told her this). But it's also true (although I don't know if she realizes this) that I continue to walk on egg-shells so that our divorce process remains as amicable and drama free as possible. So my attached, nice-guy personality decides that it was wrong for her to ask me to stay. That she should have realized that how hard it would be for me to say no and turned down the job without mentioning it to me.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is total bull$hit. If I had a pair of ba11s I would have said, "Sorry, I have plans. I need you to be home by 4." My kids wouldn't have loved me any less and sure my W would have probably been pi$$ed, but so what, right? My nice-guy resentment puts all the onus on her for my happiness. This has always been the problem in our relationship.

So now that the moment has passed and I chose to stay home so that she could work, I think it's best to just let it go and decide to react differently next time. Thoughts?