Maybe She Isn't Evil

[RDS]

I haven't posted here in a long time, but I still visit this site regularly. Since my marriage wasn't saved I felt like I couldn't add much to the conversation, but I still visited and felt empathy to everyone going through the pain of a failing marriage.

It's been two months since my divorce. I was originally supposed to be divorced June 2, but due to legal wrangling it got delayed until July 18. During the June hearing I was knocked a bit off track as I did not know I was getting divorced. I still held out hope my M was going to be saved as so many points seemed to lean towards my M being saved. Obviously her mind was made up long before that. I was now in her "friend zone". I was someone she could call a friend but not someone who she could be "in" love with again.

On June 2 I thought it was a court hearing for permanent spousal support. To say I was in a fog that day would be an understatement. Naturally the July 18 date I knew I would be divorced so I was as prepared as I could be. I did not attend the court hearing as there was no need for me to be there. My L did tell me my XW seemed to be really sad that day.

Fast forward to today. I am dating and I have been blessed with some fun dates. I felt like a teenager again. Having said that, I'm enjoying life with a fantastic woman I've been seeing for about 6 weeks. She is a joy to be around and she really digs me. It's not uncommon to spend HOURS on the phone talking about super serious stuff and super stupid stuff. This romance may grow to something life long or it may eventually fizzle to nothing, but whatever happens it has made me realize you CAN be happy after divorce.

Many people think I'm jumping into the dating world too soon and a few months ago I would agree. But even though I have only been divorced 2 months I was separated from my W for 14 months before our divorce and during that time I never thought of looking at another W. No other W seemed remotely interesting to me.

During my 14 month separation I wanted nothing more than to get back together with my W. Now, I'm not so sure. I'm happier now than I have been in years. I'm finally seeing the "warts" of my XW that I refused to acknowledge (and others could see, including my D). It has made it easier to date other women. For over 34 years I never thought of being with someone else because I took the vows of M seriously and my W really was someone special.

My D and I have agreed to keep my dating secret from my XW. For some strange reason I feel like I'm somewhat abandoning my M even though it was my XW who did all the leg work getting the D done. Maybe it's egotistical of me to think this, but I think my odds of living a life with someone special is much better than hers. That scares me and saddens me at the same time. I hope that makes sense. She is a very caring and giving person but she is also high maintenance.

Anyway, point I'm trying to say is saving your M is the best way to go, but if it can't be saved there is life after a D even if you were with someone for 34+ years.