Journey to Acceptance

[Coly23]

Hi everyone! Sorry I have been MIA on my thread since I posted. I have been having a hard time with this all so my and D went away for the weekend to see some friends and have a bit of a break.

AP, Ginger, roist, pinn, HaWho, Ownit, Blu and Skm, thank you all so much for your feedback and encouragement. I really don't know why this has bugged me so much. I think at the moment I feel like it's death but a thousand paper cuts because he is not totally gone from my life so each time something like this happens I take 10 steps back on this journey.

Well I screwed my courage to the sticking place and asked him to come and pick up some more stuff. He came while we were away and collected some bags with his clothes in but there is still so much for him to sort through and collect I don't really know when this is going to end.

Also it's hard when I spin but he manages to remain nice and pleasant to me. When I asked him to pick his stuff up while I was away he said that he hoped I will have a lovely weekend away. I just asked him if he found all the bits for his model and he said yes and then complimented me on garden chairs I repainted. He said they looked very cool! God this is so hard!

I know I probably look like I'm stuck but I am trying so hard to move forward. I just miss him so much sometimes I can't bare it. I just don't understand how after 16 months we don't seem to be any further forward.

Roist, I am interested to know why someone who is depressed wouldn't be interested in making models? I thought it would be something you would do if you wanted to be alone and go inside of yourself? Also I don't know if he was depressed in the first place although the tone of his communications seems to have changed so maybe he is feeling a little better in himself.

So he has been texting me this afternoon about D and college and has been really nice to me. I am struggling because I want to ask him about us. Someone stop me!!!