How do I get things right?

[Lovelyp]

I am new to the forum. I cheated with someone from work over a year ago. I had been depressed and was struggling with my marriage and H wasn't willing to talk or try to resolve marriage problem. I was in a terrible state and was failing to concentrate with some work stuff and was under extreme pressure. I met someone (workmate) who pretended to want to work with me and I even informed my H about him and that he was suggesting a way to work on my task and he was OK with that. This workmate apparently didnt even try to help with work but instead he started talking to me about how stressed I looked and made me open up about what was stressing me. He would listen to me and pretend to be genuinely concerned. I was never attracted to him but with time he would invite me to go an eat out. I would o and one day we slept once and as we were having s*x I immediately got to my senses and stopped there and then and refused the second time. After some weeks I opened up to my husband and he contacted the OM who confirmed that we had s*x once and that after that I cut contact with him and ignored him. However in that conversation he mentioned that he loves me. My husband got so angry and would insult me and say that he wish I could just die. He tells me that I am heartless and put his life in danger. He is so angry and its been a year and sometimes he just wakes up and insult me. He threatens me. Of recent he told me that we better divorce because he cannot promise to be faithful because of what I did. I just agreed but then the next day he wants to be intimate with me.
We have had many problems for the past 10 years and before I cheated we were not on talking terms. He would ignore me and threaten divorce. He would tell me that he wishes I could sleep with someone else or that even if I cheat he will not even be angry. He would tell me that I dont respect him and his privacy. He would get close to some younger ladies at his workplace and would be chatting with them but ignore my chats. At home he would be texting others. Sometimes when we are together and he meets some of these work women he can just leave me and stop to talk to them for minutes (this happens even now). He always would tell me he could have done better and married a wife way younger than me. He told me that he has so much resentment that I became controlling (checking his phone and email) and that I disrespect him and tell me that he can continue talking to these other women because of what I did.