In the end though I would say this is a good sign.
The space since she has been away has been really nice for me. But, I read DR before going to sleep...not a good idea for me. Had the worst night's sleep since she left! Mind keeps racing, and I'm not sure what things will be like when she gets back.
I've been reading some other threads...especially a post by Sandi to Nrthman a couple of weeks ago.
Quote:
With the same token, she wants to find a target to put all the blame for her unhappiness and feeling dead. If her personal world was larger, she might have more things/people to blame. However, in this situation, you seem to be her target.
I don't discourage anyone from making self improvements. However, I can't honestly say your improvements will bring your W around. She has to turn lose of the resentment for past offenses, along with her disillusion ideas about M. She has to be responsible for her own happiness. Until then, you could be nearly perfect and it would not change her mindset.
I tell you this b/c I feel sorry for guys I see working so hard to change, thinking it will get back the W. Whether they admit it or not, I believe that's the real intent for their changes..at least, initially. So, go ahead and improve, but don't think that's going to change her.
My W is filled with resentment and blame. So much blame, some of it is of course valid, a whole lot of it is wildly misplaced. She's unhappy with her job, mom died, she's off meds, dad is moving to a retirement community and selling her childhood house, S is starting high school...there are lots of things happening that are not R-related, but are life events that are hard to deal with.
I don't know how to square Sandi's comment with DB methodology. Any suggestions?
