Still here. Still not detached...

[Chris73]

Journalling because, why not...?

Had to do a bunch of digital housekeeping today and ran across a few old emails from my W. Lot's of eCards and messages like "I love you soooooo much. Can't wait to see you. I'm so happy to have you in my life.."

Yes, I know. People change and I shouldn't dwell on this. But it stings when you run into it by accident.

The one thing I have to be thankful for is that she isn't trying to screw me with this divorce. As of yesterday, we were still in agreement to sit down and work out the details of the asset division on our own. She isn't asking for spousal support, just child support. And she's walking away from the house entirely. We'll work out a buyout number based on the value of the house (which isn't much considering it's worth less than we paid for it) and then it just boils down to what she takes out of the house to furnish her new place.

It still bugs the $hit out of me that she'd rather go through all of this hassle and have to face the kids to tell them that she's moving out than try to work things out with me. I'm really not that bad of a guy. And now looking through all those emails and declarations of undying love it's hard to believe that this is the way she wants it to end.

Amateur psychologist moment: My wife has a track record for running away when things get emotionally difficult. She did it with her first husband, several jobs, her dying mother, and her family. It's a coping mechanism that she developed very young watching her mom take the same approach with relationships. This doesn't make me feel any better, but sometimes it gives me solace to think that I'm not entirely responsible for this mess and/or that there wasn't anything I could have done differently...