I read two forums everyday and have since my marriage exploded 2 and half years ago. This is one of those forums I read and the other forum you posted your story on is the other. I lurk only, but was compelled to post because I recognized your name from your post on the other forum.
I thought you had already submitted the file to the military? If not, I am glad that you haven't. I'd like to echo the other advice you've received and say you have to detach. You have no control over your wife or the OM. You have control over one thing - yourself. Their relationship is going to survive or it is not. That is not something you can control. You submit the file and he never speaks to her again. Or you submit the file and it brings them closer together as they weather another storm that is trying to ruin their once in a lifetime love affair. Either way you are left with a spouse who isn't willing to do the work right now to rebuild your marriage. Does it hurt like nothing you've ever felt before? Absolutely! You and your children will be ok. You have to focus on healing yourself, becoming the kind of man you want your children to emulate and move forward. Everyday, make your focus you and your children.
